Today is one of those days where I'm struggling. I've been having a bit of a rough time lately, I'm just feeling isolated. I'm also sick of people asking if we're excited to start ivf, even them just asking WHEN we're starting ivf makes me want to cry.
To be honest, I'm not excited to start ivf. It's an emotionally and physically taxing journey. It's costing thousands of dollars, I don't know how my body will respond to the extra hormones, I have to have surgery and go under a general anesthetic for the egg pick up, and even after all of that there is no guarantee that we'll have an embryo to transfer. And then if we do make it to transfer, there's no guarantee that the embryo will implant and I'll be pregnant.
It's been school holidays so I've had no work. I'm a supply teacher (sub) when I finished my B.Ed the only permanent jobs were out west where there was no jobs for my husband so I started doing supply work and loved it! And I've kept doing supply work. These holidays were meant to be our first ivf cycle but the timing was just wrong. And then my laptop broke and needed to go in for repairs. No work, no laptop (so no tv because we watch tv on our computers and my husbands computer is big, scary and way to technical for me to use easily) and no ivf cycle. It's been rough, I've had far to much free time on my hands to think and obsess over ivf.
And today is even worse. It's the start of a new school year here in Australia, (my work won't pick up for another week or two) and my facebook feed is flooded with photos of kids in their new school uniforms. Lots of my facebook friends have kids starting school this year, one friend even has a daughter starting high school.
It's just another reminder of something I haven't got. Instead, I'm heading off to get a check up at the dentist, crossing off one of the last things on my list of "things to do before ivf" I've transferred the money for our first ivf payment into our savings account so we can access it at any time, I've had my pap smear and checked in with my GP updating her on what's going on, and today is my dental check up. Now I just need my period to arrive. Any time soon would be nice, today is CD26 and if I had another textbook 28 day cycle this would be awesome! But I've got a gut feeling that it's still going to be another few weeks.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Friday, 3 January 2014
Not a good start 2014
My FS clinic closed for the Christmas break, they were still opening for limited hours and the after hours phone line was still open but they weren't starting any new cycles until they offically reopened on the 6th of January.
My period was due on the 8th of January which would've been perfect timing to start our first IVF+ICSI cycle. When we saw our nurse back in November she let me know that once I get my period in January I am to call and then come in that day or the day after for a blood test and a scan. I'll also pick up my medication that day as I'm not doing any suppresion with birth control for this cycle. I'm just starting with stims.
But unfortunately my uterus had other plans and I woke up on New Years Day to spotting, which continued into Thursday and today (Friday) my period is definitely here. So there won't be a January cycle for us, instead it'll be sometime in February.
I thought I would be more upset about my period arriving a week early, but honestly I'm not surprised. I should've expected this to happen, the timing was just too perfect. I had a textbook 28 day cycle this month. Twenty-eight days! In the two years I've been taking note of my cycle I have never had a 28 day one.
I kind of feel as if everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. Friends and family keep asking me if I'm excited to start IVF but I'm not and it's because of things like this. Each time we have a plan in place something comes up and derails or changes the plans.
This is just the start of 2014, if things are already going wrong this early into the game I'm scared of what is to come. 2014 was meant to be a good year, a fresh start, a new outlook to our challenges but so far it's turning out to be a lot like 2013.
My period was due on the 8th of January which would've been perfect timing to start our first IVF+ICSI cycle. When we saw our nurse back in November she let me know that once I get my period in January I am to call and then come in that day or the day after for a blood test and a scan. I'll also pick up my medication that day as I'm not doing any suppresion with birth control for this cycle. I'm just starting with stims.
But unfortunately my uterus had other plans and I woke up on New Years Day to spotting, which continued into Thursday and today (Friday) my period is definitely here. So there won't be a January cycle for us, instead it'll be sometime in February.
I thought I would be more upset about my period arriving a week early, but honestly I'm not surprised. I should've expected this to happen, the timing was just too perfect. I had a textbook 28 day cycle this month. Twenty-eight days! In the two years I've been taking note of my cycle I have never had a 28 day one.
I kind of feel as if everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. Friends and family keep asking me if I'm excited to start IVF but I'm not and it's because of things like this. Each time we have a plan in place something comes up and derails or changes the plans.
This is just the start of 2014, if things are already going wrong this early into the game I'm scared of what is to come. 2014 was meant to be a good year, a fresh start, a new outlook to our challenges but so far it's turning out to be a lot like 2013.
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