Some weeks just suck

I really do try to be positive about most things, but sometimes I just can't find anything to be positive about. And sometimes, weeks like this just suck.

Late last week I was texting a friend, I couldn't remember a name of an app they had on their iPad. I was setting up mum's iPad (her birthday gift from dad) and thought it was one that she might enjoy. We were texting for a while and they asked how I was, (last time we spoke I'd mentioned we'd gotten the referral from the GP). This friend is one of the few who knows that we've been ttc for over a year. I told them that we'd had our first appointment with the FS and I'd booked my lap. I then asked how they were, their response? "Oh, I'm so tired. My six month old never sleeps and day care is costing me a fortune". Nice.

I don't expect everyone to know what it's like to be on this journey. Nor do I expect everyone to be sympathetic. But come on, would it kill you to be tactful for once? I tell you about my anxieties to do with fertility treatments and upcoming surgery and your response is to complain about your baby.

And this week just gets even worse. I went to the dentist again this week because one of the teeth I had filled back in April is bothering me again. Best cause scenario? It's a lingering sinus infection causing the pain. Worst case? I need a root canal (or two). And that my impacted wisdom teeth should come out sooner rather than later.

I've been on antibotics since Monday but the pain is still there, so I'm pretty sure I need a root canal. Under our health insurance root canals are classed as major dental. Surgical removal of a tooth (requiring sedation) as well as regular and complicated removals (done in the chair at the dentists office, not under twilight just with local anesthetic) are also classed as major dental. And I'm pretty sure that one root canal will use up nearly all of my major dental benefits for the year.

I was hoping not to have to use my major dental, and to put that towards having my wisdom teeth out. I'll have to be sedated and have my wisdom teeth out in hospital, I have a tiny mouth, big teeth and my wisdom teeth look scary on xrays. If I'm admitted to hospital I have to pay an excess to my health insurance, but I only have to pay it once per calendar year. So I figured if I'm paying it once for my lap, then I'll have my wisdom teeth taken that same year and not have to pay the excess twice.

But this root canal will screw all of that up. And it's going to screw up the timing of our fertility treatments too. I was hoping to have my wisdom teeth out after my lap but before our first cycle. Now I don't know what I'll do.

It's just all too much. It all comes down to, my body is broken and not doing what it should do naturally. If I could just fall pregnant naturally I wouldn't be so anxious. I'd be able to congratulate people on their pregnancies. I'd be able to walk down the baby aisles at the supermarket and department stores without getting tears in my eyes. I wouldn't be spending thousands of dollars, countless months and doctors visits to fall pregnant. And I wouldn't have to plan my life around appointments, blood work and ultrasounds.

I never imagined that just getting pregnant would be the hard part. I always thought that labour and sleepless nights with a newborn would be the hard part.