The day before

Tomorrow is my lap. I'm a bit anxious about it, I had a super busy weekend with a family lunch on Saturday for my brothers birthday. I'd made him a cake (which took all of Friday to do, but it turned out well!) and it was a good distraction.

Then on Sunday I got stuck into the washing. I put a few slow cooker meals together and froze them. So all hubby has to do is take them straight from the freezer and put them in the slow cooker and dinner is done. I also made his lunches for the week, I usually cook a pasta or casserole dish and freeze it into single portions, he takes these to work and by lunch time they're defrosted and he just has to heat them for a few mins.

But now it's Monday, the day before my surgery. I'm all on edge and upset. I came close to tears twice before hubby left for work. I think what I'm dreading most is the bowel prep (urgh, it does not sound pleasent!) and then waking up after the surgery.

Last time I came out of anesthesia I was really ill and nauseated. I have a huge fear of vomiting and feeling sick. I'm not looking forward to that part at all.

I also carry my stress and tension in my neck and back. I've been waking up with really bad neck and shoulder pain the last few nights. To the point where it takes me a good 10 mins to be able to get up and move freely, as I can barely move my arms and neck. And that's with my little nest of pillows, how much pain am I going to be in when I wake up from the anesthesia? Or after spending the night in a hospital bed?

It doesn't help that my husband keeps talking about how he's going to spend his time off work, as if he's taking a mini holiday. It's not a holiday! It's time off to look after and support me through surgery. I keep telling him that it's not like dropping relatives off at the airport, you don't get to kick me out of the car in the drop off zone at the hospital. 

I need him there to tell me it's going to be ok, to look after me and make sure I'm ok. I'm not normally clingy and needy like this, usually I'm pretty independent. When I'm sick, I just want to be left alone until I'm better. But I know from past experience that I'm not like that after anesthesia. I wake up and feel sick and weepy for a few days afterwards. It turns me into a big emotional wreck.

In a few days time this will all be over with. I'll have had my surgery and will be at home resting and recovering. But for now I'm stressing out and worrying about everything.