Starting Gonal F - first injections

My period arrived on early Monday morning, I rang the fertility clinic around 9am and my nurse called me back not long afterwards. She told me to come into the clinic between 7.30am and 9am Tuesday morning to pick up my medication. She also let me know that she doesn't work on Tuesdays so I'd be meeting with one of the other nurses.

Everything was on my side Tuesday morning. Even though it was peak hour traffic, I made it down to the hospital where the fertility clinic is located, in no time. I found a park straight away without having to circle the car park. I checked in with the receptionist and sat down in the waiting room, before I even had a chance to get out my kindle a nurse had called my name.

She went over how to get the Gonal F pen ready for injection, showed it to me and then gave me the first injection. It was such a quick visit, I was home before my husband had even left for work!

This morning I was on my own to do the injection. I knew if my husband was home it'd make me more anxious, so after he left for work I got everything ready. I laid out the instructions on the kitchen bench and read through them one last time. Then I screwed the needle onto the pen, dialed up the dosage and did the injection.

I deliberately tried not to hesitate or think about it too much. It actually surprised me at how little it hurt! I have to admit, it was a weird sensation, I didn't expect that the needle would go in so easily, I thought there'd be some resistance or that when I felt the tiny sting I'd flinch and pull the needle back out again.

But it was fine! I didn't even feel faint or queasy afterwards!

Now, I continue with the shots for a week and then next Wednesday I go in for an early morning blood draw at the clinic. They'll call me back just after lunch to let me know if I have to change my dosage or if I need to come in again the next day for more blood work or a scan.

Instant babies and infertility

I had a little bit of a teary moment last night. This weekend husbands family is having a big celebration for all the big birthdays, they do this every five years. My husband turned 35, his mother turns 55 and his grandfather turned 75. I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow.

I found out on Tuesday, while I was doing playground duty with my sister in law, that my brother in law and his girlfriend of four months are pregnant. Not "we just found out!" pregnant, but "we're three months along! So must've fallen pregnant as soon as we met" kind of pregnant. I was absolutely gutted. But I held it together during playground duty, and during the afternoon lessons. It wasn't until I got into the car to drive home that I cried. I am really glad that I was working at my sister in laws school and found out before the big family do. But it still hurts.

Plus, the husbands youngest cousin will be there with his baby. He and his baby mumma announced their pregnancy just a month after we started trying. If the husband and I had fallen pregnant on our very first cycle then we'd have a child the same age as cousins baby.

It just pains me that everyone else in my husbands family are so fertile, they don't even have to try! They just think pregnancy and there's a baby. I now understand why my husband was so sure we'd have an instant baby.

I'm also not sure what questions my mother in law will have for us. She is a lovely lady, not overbearing or demanding, so they won't rude or in-your-face questions. But when the husband rang her last week, he told her about our infertility. My sister in law knows, she was asking me a few things at work. So I'm wondering just how many people know.

I just thought that we'd give my mother in law her first grandbaby. I know she's super excited that we're trying, she is going to make a wonderful grandmother. She'll be the classic grandmother, knitting baby clothes, spoiling our kids when they're older with home cooked cakes and biscuits.

I just know that it's going to be hard seeing my brother in law there with his pregnant girlfriend. And to be honest, it makes me jealous and bitter. I try so darn hard to stay positive around friends and family. I don't want to be that jealous bitter women who is in the corner complaining about the cost of infertility treatment. I know once I start to slip down the path of jealousy and bitterness it's going to be extremely hard to climb back up again.

Step away from the computer and stop googling

I'm starting to get a few signs that my period is just around the corner. I'm quite anxious about it arriving as it means we're starting our first IUI cycle. But at the same time I'm dreading it, because all the injections, scans and blood tests seem overwhelming.

Because I'm overwhelmed and anxious, I turned to google. I've spent at least an hour tonight googling all about Gonal F, Oridrel and IUI. All with various key words like pain, painless, side effects, complications.

Then I fell down the rabbit hole and into youtube. I watched a few women giving themselves their first Gonal F injections, I promptly freaked out. Felt light headed and dizzy. I've watched at least one of these before, I'm subscribed to one vlogger in particular and when she first showed this video I was fine! But rewatching it and knowing that will be me in a few days to a week? Oh boy.

And then it got worse. I watched two educational youtube clips on IUI procedures. At the perfect moment the husband walked over and asked me what I was watching. It was just as the clip showed the catheter being threaded up through the cervix and into the uterus. He tried to reassure me by saying "it'll be fine! They'll give you the good happy drugs for that!" I had to break it to him that no, there'll be no good, happy drugs involved.

It's only just gone 9.30pm at night and I think I've got to close down the computer and go to bed. Before I spend all night googling all sorts of horror stories about IUI and injectables.

Meeting with the nurse

Yesterday was the husbands birthday and we spent a good two and a bit hours having our interview and IUI education with one of the fertility clinics nurses. Poor husband! Not a fun way to spend your birthday.

It was mostly a straight forward interview, answering questions about our health and lifestyle as well as our work. My work is going to be a bit of a problem. I've been offered a maternity leave contract but I think I'm going to have to turn it down.

We had the standard blood work taken, but we also opted to get extra testing done. To check and see if I'm a cystic fibrosis carrier as well as to check my AMH levels. Neither of those were covered by our private health insurance or medicare. We didn't have to have those extra tests done, but I'm the kind of person who likes to know all the possible outcomes.

The nurse also spoke about losing weight. Both my husband and I are overweight, but our FS hasn't said this is a problem. At our first appointment with Dr S, I was expecting him to mention it. All he said was "In a perfect world, everyone would be slim and at their ideal BMI, no-ones perfect and we can work around it."

But the nurse went on, and on, and on about it. I was ok with that, until she started recommending different diets to us. She talked about Jenny Craig, giving up alcohol (we rarely drink!), and then she recommended a Fasting diet. Apparently, this nurses husband has been on a Fasting diet and it's "medically proven". I seriously thought my eyes were going to roll out of my head when she said that. If she was referring us to a nutritionist I would've been fine with it. But when she talked about the medically proven Fasting diet and that it's healthy to lose up to 2kg a week she lost all credibility.

Then she asked if we'd like to delay our first cycle for three months to give us a chance to lose weight. Dr S didn't say anything about this! So we told the nurse we'd just like to start our first cycle straight away. I think delaying our first cycle would take a huge emotional toll on our relationship, it's been hard to just get to this point.

So the nurse continued on with the rest of education, talking about the different drugs I'll be on. I'm starting on FSH injections with a possible trigger injection. This is a bit scary, I don't have a huge problem with needles (blood work is another story!) but I don't know how I'll go injecting myself.

On day cycle day one, I'm to call the clinic. They'll have me come in that day or the following day for blood work and injectables education and I pick up my medications then. Depending on how long this cycle is, that could be anywhere from 7 - 14 days time.

Now, it's just a matter of waiting for CD 1 to arrive and then it all begins.

Post-op appointment and the next stage

I had my follow up appointment today with Dr S.

He checked out my incisions, I've been a bit concerned about the one on my bikini line where the drain was. It's been slow to heal, the other three are healing well but this one is causing me a bit of trouble. It's not infected, just healing slowly. I think it's because it's in an awkward spot and my clothes rub on it a bit. But they're all looking good, I just have to keep that one covered for a while longer.

I also told him about the muscular pain I've been having. He said it's normal and I just need to slow down and give my body a chance to heal. There's only so much resting I can do. The dishwasher won't load itself and the washing has been piling up, making me crazy. I've got to bend and twist to do both those chores.

He also reviewed the husbands results from his last analysis in June. They're ok, what Dr S calls a borderline result. Not good, but just below average on motility and count. For a couple with no fertility problems, a result like this would be fine. But with my problems and our age, it's not that great.

Then Dr S went over the surgery. My fallopian tubes are fine, the dye test was perfect. He removed the large cyst, it had grown to nearly twice the size of my ovary. Luckily it was just a simple cyst, not a chocolate endometrial type one. And on the other ovary that is covered in pcos type cysts, he drained the majority of those ones as well.

He also removed a lot of endometriosis. There wasn't huge amounts of it, it was just little patches everywhere. On the photos he showed us, it just looked like little clusters of blisters. Even though they were small it was quite extensive. It was on the outside of my uterus, both the front and the back. On the ligaments, the pelvic wall, the pouch of douglas, on my bladder and bowel. Which explains why going to the bathroom after my surgery was uncomfortable and why for a few days I was sure I was getting a uti. Unfortunately, the endo can come back. I've got a 30% chance of it reoccurring, but if it is going to come back, it usually takes around 18 months.

Dr S gave us two options. We can go away and try on our own without any science for three months, or we can jump straight into a medicated cycle and IUI. He explained for our age, a couple has a 22% chance of falling pregnant each month. With the husbands results and the fact that it doesn't look like I ovulate regularly it reduces our odds down to 12%.

A teeny tiny part of me wants to try on our own, I think it's the fact that I wish my body just worked the way it's meant to. But those odds aren't good. We've been trying for 15 months now and it's starting to take it's toll. We're also getting older, my husband turns 35 next week. So we've decided we're going to go straight to medicated cycles with monitoring and IUI.

Our next appointment is an information session with the nurses at the fertility clinic that Dr S works with. It's right next door to his office, in the same building. We'll get all the information and quote for the price of it then. Both my husband and I will have blood work done then, and the husband will have to have yet another analysis done too, but not on that day, it'll just be organised and a time booked. Poor husband, the only time that worked for both of us as well as the fertility clinic is on his birthday. The appointment is at 11am, so we'll have to go out for a quick lunch afterwards to make up for it.

Our first cycle will be some time in mid to late September. Dr S wants my body to heal fully first. I'm glad he said September, this month is getting a bit crazy. I've got a 5 day contract already booked and there's no way I'd be able to get into the clinic for monitoring. I leave for work by 7am and I don't get home until 5pm at the earliest. And there's no taking half days or going in late with my line of work. It's either a full day or a day off.

It's crazy to think that if this all works first time round, we could have a little winter baby due in June!

(I know the chances of it working first time aren't that great. And Dr S made sure to tell us that he only likes to do IUI 3-4 times before moving on to IVF so that's still in the back of my mind. But I can't help myself but count forward nine months!)