Instant babies and infertility

I had a little bit of a teary moment last night. This weekend husbands family is having a big celebration for all the big birthdays, they do this every five years. My husband turned 35, his mother turns 55 and his grandfather turned 75. I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow.

I found out on Tuesday, while I was doing playground duty with my sister in law, that my brother in law and his girlfriend of four months are pregnant. Not "we just found out!" pregnant, but "we're three months along! So must've fallen pregnant as soon as we met" kind of pregnant. I was absolutely gutted. But I held it together during playground duty, and during the afternoon lessons. It wasn't until I got into the car to drive home that I cried. I am really glad that I was working at my sister in laws school and found out before the big family do. But it still hurts.

Plus, the husbands youngest cousin will be there with his baby. He and his baby mumma announced their pregnancy just a month after we started trying. If the husband and I had fallen pregnant on our very first cycle then we'd have a child the same age as cousins baby.

It just pains me that everyone else in my husbands family are so fertile, they don't even have to try! They just think pregnancy and there's a baby. I now understand why my husband was so sure we'd have an instant baby.

I'm also not sure what questions my mother in law will have for us. She is a lovely lady, not overbearing or demanding, so they won't rude or in-your-face questions. But when the husband rang her last week, he told her about our infertility. My sister in law knows, she was asking me a few things at work. So I'm wondering just how many people know.

I just thought that we'd give my mother in law her first grandbaby. I know she's super excited that we're trying, she is going to make a wonderful grandmother. She'll be the classic grandmother, knitting baby clothes, spoiling our kids when they're older with home cooked cakes and biscuits.

I just know that it's going to be hard seeing my brother in law there with his pregnant girlfriend. And to be honest, it makes me jealous and bitter. I try so darn hard to stay positive around friends and family. I don't want to be that jealous bitter women who is in the corner complaining about the cost of infertility treatment. I know once I start to slip down the path of jealousy and bitterness it's going to be extremely hard to climb back up again.