Once again it's been a while since I updated. It's partly because I keep forgetting to update, and partly because I'm starting to find typing is awkward. If I sit up at the table or desk with my laptop I have to lean forward to type and get intense rib pain (seriously, it feels like my lower ribs are being ripped apart. I think it's the muscles?cartilage? something hurts!). So I try to balance my laptop on my lap but my belly gets in the way.
My 32 week appointment went well. Except, baby was measuring even further ahead. He's been a bit ahead the whole way. But it's no longer just a few days ahead, at 32 weeks he was measuring 34 weeks 3 days. Tony was with me and asked our OB if that measurement was right. The OB told him not to worry and said he'd do a second measurement and that he was sure it'd be closer to 32, it was probably just the way baby was positioned that was throwing off the measurements. But the second and third measurements were bigger! And they both showed that baby was measuring at 35w.
I'm only short, I'm just 4'10. My whole family is short and I have a petite build (it's just hidden under a few layers of fat). Where as Tony is tall, he's 6ft and for the guys in his family, that's just an average height. At one of my very first OB appointments, we talked about delivery and I said I would like a vaginal birth. My OB said that was fine, as long as baby wasn't measuring more than a week ahead at my 36week appointment, he was concerned about my size if it was a big baby. He told me not to worry about it, and we'd revisit it at 36 weeks. I didn't write about it because I wanted to try and forget about the whole conversation.
I was upset. I cried about this for weeks. Not because I'm against c-sections or I was doubting my OB but because there was the potential there for my body to fail to do something it should be able to do naturally. It was similar to when I found out we had to do the IUIs and then again when we had to move on to IVF.
But at the 12w scan I saw baby was measuring a few days ahead, then at the 19w morphology scan he was a week ahead. My OB does a scan in his office at each appointment. He has never said how big baby was unless I ask.
I see the number pop up in the corner of the screen when he does the measurement and I could see it was a bit ahead each time. But he's never made a big deal of it, he points out the position that baby is laying in (usually on my left side, with his head facing to the right) and we see baby's little hand (or elbow!) up near his face hiding from the ultrasound. Then he scans baby's heart and we listen to the heartbeat before he takes a reading of it. This week at my 34 week appointment baby got the hiccups just as my OB went to do the heartbeat, he's even messing with the OB now! (Usually it's just Tony and I he plays games with, stopping moving when we try to catch him)
So at my 32w appointment when we saw how big baby was, my OB brought up the c-section topic again. I was prepared this time, I'd had time to talk to a friend who had gone through a traumatic forceps birth due to the size of her baby. I wanted to know what recovery was like and what her baby's recovery was like (he'd spent time in special care). I'd also decided that the last thing I wanted was to labour and then wind up with an emergency c-section. I think that would be harder for me to deal with emotionally, you're in the race but then find out you can't finish the race? That wouldn't be something I could handle. Plus Tony and I had also both talked about it a lot.
My OB said that in his opinion a c-section would be the way to go. He said that it was our decision and if I'd like to try a vaginal birth we could go for an in-depth growth scan at the specialist ultrasound clinic that did my 12 and 19 week scans to check on baby's size and I could also get a second opinion from another OB. But I declined to do that and said I was fine with the c-section. So he gave us the date and now we know baby boy's birthday!
I still feel some guilt over this, and probably will for a while. Every google search I've done has women arguing that this is a common misconception, that your body won't grow a baby too big to birth. That c-sections are an easier and more convenient for the OB. That you don't know if your pelvis is too small until you try to give birth. And on and on it goes.
But ultimately, I feel that a c-section is the right choice. I trust my OB, he was also our fertility specialist. I've been seeing him for 18 months now. I know recovery will be hard and I'm not looking forward to it. And I feel bad that baby won't be born in the warm, comforting birth suites that we saw at the hospital tour, instead it'll be in a sterile, cold operating room.
It's scary, we have less time to get ready for baby and there's an end date in sight. My mother in law came with me to my 34w appointment and we saw baby has hair! Baby was measuring even further ahead at 37w which confirmed that yes, this is the right way to go.
I had maternity photos take yesterday, I'm not sure if I'll like them. I had my hair and make up done for them and the make up was quite dark and not as natural as I would've liked. But I've documented my pregnancy and even if I don't like the way my face looks in them, I know that in 5 years time I'll look back at them and be thankful I've got those photos.
We also went to the baby store and had the baby capsule installed in the car yesterday. It seems so complicated to put baby in the carseat and then the carseat in the car! But the guy assured us that it'll be second nature in no time. While we were at the baby store I bought a breast pump, a few bottles and storage bags. I wasn't going to get it until after baby was here, but Tony said we might as well buy it now. I also found reasonably priced hooded baby towels so picked up a few of them too.
I have a few nightgowns and some underwear on laybuy that need to be picked up and I bought a few swaddles in the mail which should arrive soon too.
Then all that's left is a trip to ikea for some baskets and wardrobe organisers and to set up the nursery. The "to do before baby arrives" list is getting really short now!
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