Crankyness

I'm sick and I'm over being sick. I didn't fall asleep until around 5am because I was coughing so much. And then I was up a few hours later when the humidifier clicked off. This is the first night that I've coughed like this. The cough is the worst part of being sick for me. I hate it. It makes me anxious because I feel like I can't breathe. So sometimes I wind up having a panic attack because I'm coughing. I'm such a mess.

And I still haven't gotten my period. I don't know what's going on. I'm 14 dpo today and my temp has dropped a little bit but not a huge amount. I took yet another hpt today and it was negative.

I'm starting to think that those three and a half days of spotting were a period of sorts (even though it started at only 5dpo and I'm pretty sure when I ovulated because both opks and my temperature point towards the same day) and that because I fell sick just after the spotting started it's screwed with my temperatures. I haven't had a fever but I haven't been feel well either. Some nights I know I was breathing through my mouth as I woke up with a terribly dry mouth and sore throat. I did have the humidifier going from the time I started to feel run down, and that does warm our bedroom slightly.

My husband keeps making references that I'm pregnant. We were talking about twins and I said that after it's taken us 12 months to fall pregnant, that if I did fall pregnant with twins after this journey I'd feel sort of cheated out of a pregnancy. (Complete and utter crazy ramblings, I know) It was then he said "In 9 months time when you're telling me you're so over this pregnancy, it'll be a different story!"

And earlier when I was spotting and I was kept having whinge about how I didn't know why I was spotting he kept telling me that "Maybe it's baby!" "Maybe it's implantation bleeding!" I love how he's taken the time to google and research all of this.

I love how he's so positive through all of this. Some times it frustrates me, as I feel that being positive just makes it harder when things don't work out. He gets frustrated at me too, especially when I'm in a particularly negative mood.

He's told me a few times I should go to the doctor about the spotting. But I really don't want to. We've got the specialist appointment in two weeks time on June 7th. There really isn't any tests the GP can run that the specialist won't run anyway. And I sort of just want to forget about ttc for a few weeks until our appointment.

I'm sick of opks and hpts and taking my temperature every morning. I'm sick of analysing every cramp, twinge, headache and mood. And I'm even sick of taking the prenatal vitamins that have a silhouette of a pregnant woman on the front.