Proud moments

This week has been pretty good. Three times there's been incidents where previously I would've wound up in tears, but I handled all of them reasonably well. I'm quite proud of the way I've handled these moments.

The first was while I was at work. It's summer here which means a lot of schools are doing swimming lessons. One of the little girls in my class wanted to sit next to me on the bus ride to the swim centre, she was asking me all these questions and one of them was if I had any kids. I said no and then told her about my two cats and she then told me about her pet chooks, called Barbecue and Casserole.

But I didn't get upset, or have a moment of "oh crap, how do I answer this?!" when I was asked about kids.

Then today, I was visiting my parents at work and a friend of mums came into the office and asked when I'm going to make mum a grandparent. Mum turned to me and said "yeah Donna, when am I getting grandkids?" I was so angry at her. She knows of our struggles and this is not the first time she's answered this way. I just replied that "you can't rush these things" and walked out. I didn't mention it again but I wasn't hurt or upset. Just cranky.

The other moment was tonight. We live really close to a child care centre, it's across the road from our apartment building's main lobby. We're on a corner block, the entrance I usually use is the driveway which is around the corner from the lobby, so I rarely notice the child care centre. Every year they have their Christmas concert and play Christmas Carols, have Santa arrive on a fire truck and there's a sausage sizzle. Last year the sound of their Christmas music made me dissolve into tears and lock myself in our bedroom listing to my ipod so I couldn't hear the little kids singing.

But this year I just had one pang of "oh, Christmas would be so much more fun with a child of our own" and then I just went on with my afternoon and evening. It was sweet hearing the cries of Santa! and the little kids singing Jingle Bells.

I'm quite proud of the way I've handled the last few days. I know that this probably won't last and in a few days or a week I'll be back to having teary moments. But for now I'm glad I'm not letting the negativity and bitterness that often comes along with infertility control my emotions.