The next step

Primary infertility. I never thought
I'd hear a Dr. say those words. 

I took the next step in our journey today. I went to the doctor to talk about where we're at with trying for a baby. On the drive home the other night, my husband asked me how I was coping this month with af arriving. I guess he'd been expecting the usual emotional meltdown and it didn't happen this month around.

Even though I hadn't been talking about it, I'd still been thinking about it. There's a lot playing on my mind this cycle. It's our tenth month of trying (and ninth cycle). It's my 31st birthday in a few days time and I always thought we'd have at least once child by now. But we put off ttc and now it's taking longer than I expected. Plus, my husbands cousin and his girlfriend are due to have their baby any day now. Seeing them with a newborn baby at Easter is going to be tough, it's going to take everything in my power not to cry when we get the "When are you having a family?" questions.

It doesn't help that in 2002 I had a laparoscopy to remove two ovarian cysts and adhesions that were causing that same ovary to be stuck to my pelvic wall. My surgeon at the time told me that it wasn't PCOS. That he'd removed the cysts and adhesions so I should have less pain and no problem falling pregnant in the future. (I'd originally gone to see him due to long, painful periods and pain during intercourse.) 

It didn't even cross my mind until a few months ago that there might be something else going on. I just assumed that our timing was off, or that we were one of those couples that try for 12 months before falling pregnant. 

But then I started thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt I had to go and see my doctor. So when my husband asked me how I was going, I brought up the topic of seeing my doctor. 

I love my doctor, it has taken me years to find a nice, polite but thorough female doctor. She is lovely but professional (unlike my previous doctor who called me "a fatty", I know I'm overweight but come on.). The surgery she works with even bulk bills. But the only thing is, is that it's a drop in clinic so no appointments and she's popular so sometimes I've had to wait for around 2 hours to see her. But the upside to that is that it's all bulk billed. And because there are no appointments the doctors take their time with you, she spent 20mins with me today. 

Luckily today I only had to wait half an hour before I was called in. She was lovely, as always. Even when I got anxious and started crying. She did a check up and gave me referrals to have a pelvic ultrasound and two blood tests, one on day 1 and one of day 28 of my cycle. (It would normally be day 21 but I don't ovulate until around day 18-21). She explained that they're checking for causes of primary infertility and to check my hormone and iron levels.

She also explained that it could be something as simple as needing medication to make me ovulate more regularly. Or maybe it's in issue with the sperm not being able to reach the egg. Or the egg not being able to make it down the fallopian tube. Or even my hormone levels being too low. 

I've also got to get my husband to go in and see her so he can get a referral to give a sample. He did ask me if he'd have to give a sample if I saw the doctor, and I told me that he probably would. I know he doesn't like doctors and the thought of giving a sample makes him feel uncomfortable. But even he said that this is taking longer than he thought it would.

I feel a bit more at peace now that I've take steps to get the ball rolling. My ultrasound is booked for Friday and then it's just a matter of waiting to have the blood tests done on the right cycle days. 

I'm still hoping that all of this will be for nothing and that next month I can see my doctor, not to get the results of any tests, but because I've seen that wonderful second line and I'm pregnant.