I had a great weekend. I went away on my own, it's something I like to do about twice a year. I've always needed time on my own and a break from the usual routine. My husband is the same, except he goes off to Lan parties about once every six weeks.
I love driving so I'll usually just head off down the coast. I went to uni a few hours south of where we live and it's such a beautiful place. I just need a break to recharge. This time I went down to Byron Bay. I spent some time at the beach, I read a few books and collected a few shells and pebbles. I took myself out and had fish and chips for lunch.
I sent texts to a friend I hadn't heard from in a while and spent a few hours on the phone with another friend. I know it's all things I could do from home but the change of scenery was much needed!
But when I got home Sunday night, reality started to hit home. Monday was worse. I spent far too much time on google trying to second guess the results of our tests that we got on Thursday. I tried so hard to stay away from google but I couldn't help it.
And the more I googled, the worse I felt. I got caught in a circle of googling one thing after another. All these worse case scenarios kept turning up. Then I started researching the cost of the various treatments.
We're fortunate that we have private health insurance so we don't have to go on the public waiting list. For our state the waiting list is around 18 months to see a fertility specialist. With private health insurance the waiting is only a matter of weeks. But PHI doesn't cover everything. There's still so many things that aren't covered.
I know the first thing we've got to do is register for the Medicare Saftey Net. (Once your health costs reach a certain limit in a calendar year, then the rest of them are discounted. I think this year it's around $1300 before the safety net kicks in. This includes most medications on the PBS and certain doctors appointment.) But in the past we've never spent that much on medication or appointments. The most I spend on medications is about half the limit.
So in order to register for the safety net do that I've got to track down our Centrelink reference numbers. I know we both had them at some stage, because we both received Austudy assistance when we were at uni. But that was over 7 years ago for me and well over 10 years for my husband so I'm pretty sure we're both going to have to call Centrelink and sit on hold for ages.
Once we qualify for the safety net, we're still looking at being out of pocket between $2000 -$3000 a cycle. We really don't have that kind of money just laying around. We pay extra on our mortgage which means we can always redraw the extra money at any time but I don't feel comfortable doing that. I'm receiving around $8000 from a family trust in a few months time, but we've already got that money ear marked to do some much needed repairs and renovations to our apartment.
It just makes me worry, which makes me teary. I think I spent most of Monday crying on and off. Everything set me off. I just wish I had someone close to me who had been through this and I could talk to. I'm someone who needs to talk through difficult things. It helps me process what's going on.
And while I love my husband, sometimes he just doesn't get it and doesn't get that I need to talk. He's such the opposite to me and takes a lot of things in his stride where as I analysis and over analysis everything. I know he tries hard to listen and be supportive.
I just don't know where to go from here. Do we give it a few more months trying on our own and wait until we're made it through July which is when we have a lot of big bills due? Or do we go now and get a more definite list of fees? Or do we just jump in at the deep end and say screw it, that's what credit cards are for?
I just don't know and I feel a bit lost.
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