38w2d - sick husband

I had my 38w check up today. My blood pressure is down even more, it's still slightly elevated but no where near the scary numbers of last Monday. I don't think I said exactly how high it was last Monday, it was 169/90 scary high. Friday it was 154/100 and today it was down to 135/94.

I keep taking the 500mg of Aldomet twice a day until the c section, I don't take it the morning of the c section but I'll probably be on it while I'm in hospital recovering. Fingers crossed it goes down after baby is here and they can wean me off of it and it's not a long term thing. Chances are it could be, nearly everyone in my family has high blood pressure so I'm a bit worried this is something I'm going to have to be really watch.

It was our wedding anniversary on Saturday, Tony was pretty quiet all day. We went out to dinner and he kept saying he was really tired. But Sunday he woke up with a sore throat and the beginnings of a cold :(

By Sunday night he was well and truly sick. He's still been going to work because it's better he's at work than at home coughing and breathing over me. I've got vitamin c, a giant bottle of hand sanitizer, glen 20 spray and I've been sleeping on the couch. The last think I want is to get sick this close to my c section. Even my OB told Tony today not to breathe on me!

But it's not the way I wanted to spend my last week of being pregnant. This this more than likely going to be our only child. I've been trying to take time to enjoy these final days but it's hard when I can't share them with Tony. I got all emotional last night over it, and again today.

I emailed my family directions to the hospital over the weekend. I know they could just use a gps, but my parents don't own one and I hadn't given them the hospital address either. The hospital is listed as being on one street but the car park is on another street and it's a bit of a maze. So even if they don't follow the directions I sent, at least I feel better having sent them.

This weekend we're going to do the last minute things to Baby's nursery and take some photos. Put the pram in the car and if Tony's well enough, go out for dinner one last time before Baby gets here. And maybe we'll buy another baby name book too, because we still don't have a name for this little guy. We're not even close to having a name!

Blood pressure update - & no nesting?

My mother in law took me to see my OB this morning for a blood pressure check up. I was a bit worried about this visit, mostly about getting there because it was at his other office which is a 40min drive away and in a suburb on the coast that I've never really been to.

But we got there, my MIL dropped me off and went to go and find a carpark. By the time she'd parked the midwife had taken my blood pressure. It's still high but is starting to come down a bit, Dr S has doubled my dosage of Aldomet and I'll see him again on Wednesday for my regular OB appointment. And he's happy with the way it's responding so he's not moving the c-section forward and we'll stick to the original c-section date.

It's a huge relief! Because if they were to move the c-section forward it would've been moved to Tuesday. Which seems far too soon! I still need to cook, mop, and get my hair cut! And it's our 6th wedding anniversary tomorrow and I'd like to relax and enjoy the weekend with Tony, not be on panic mode about baby arriving in just days time.

After seeing the OB my mother in law and I went and had morning tea then she took me grocery shopping. It was so nice of her to drive all the way down here and then drive me all over the coast today. I'm so grateful for it, Tony's boss is back at work today after being away for 4 weeks and he really couldn't miss the meeting they were having this morning.

Now I'm home and back in my pjs. I've put the air con on and I'm about to spend some quality time on the couch watching tv and napping. Everyone keeps telling me to take it easy and relax, but I feel like that's all I've been doing for the last few weeks! Tony hooked up the Chromecast in the bedroom so after he leaves for work, I watch youtube before falling back asleep. And if I don't nap in the morning, then I have a nap in the afternoon before dinner.

I haven't had any nesting at all. My floors are in need of a decent vacuum and mopping but I just don't have the energy and to be honest I can't be bothered. And I'm completely ignoring the state of my shower too. I could clean.....or I could eat a brownie and take a nap. And taking a nap is always going to win.

37 Weeks - High blood pressure

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today. On the weekend I noticed that my feet were really swollen, more than they're usual pregnancy-puffiness. But it was quiet hot and I know I didn't drink enough water on Saturday (plus Maccas for lunch probably didn't help either!) but I wasn't too worried. I didn't have a headache or dizziness or any other bad signs.

But at my OB appointment today my blood pressure was high. It'd gone from last weeks borderline normal to high. My OB gave me a script for medication (Aldomet) and tomorrow morning I've got to go into the pathology place for blood work and a urine test. I would've gone tonight but we were the last OB appointment of the day and by that time the pathology lab had closed.

I'll call and talk to my OB's midwife on Wednesday and she'll let me know if I have to go in for a simple blood pressure check on Friday, or if I have to go over to the birth suites for monitoring as well as a blood pressure check up.

And if my blood pressure is still high on Friday then my c-section date will be bumped up a week. I really like the c-section date that I've got already. I don't like the closer date as much. But I know it could be safer for both of us if he's born sooner.

It did make me panic a bit though, I had a few nightgowns on laybuy and had planned to pick them up later this week. But when I heard that my c-section date might change, I got Tony to take me into Target tonight to pick them up. I need time to have them washed, dried and packed!

On the weekend I repacked my hospital bag (well, except for the stuff I picked up tonight) and organised Baby's clothes again. I packed Tony's bag and my nappy bag. I also need to wash the pillow case for my nursing pillow and call the anesthesiologist and pay the gap fee.

Plus clean the house!  I want to do a deep clean of the house before Baby arrives. So before I come out of hospital all Tony has to do is vacuum and run the sticky roller over the couch to get up the cat fur.

I don't feel ready for Baby to be here as early as next week. We still don't have a first name for him. I wanted time to add a few more decorative bits and pieces to his room. And I'd planned on cooking a few meals and snacks next week. I really hope this medication works (and without too many side effects) and brings my blood pressure down. And that there's no signs of pre-eclampsia or anything else going on.

36 weeks - Carpal tunnel and the nursery is nearly ready!

I'm 36 weeks pregnant (well, 36w2d today). Baby Day is getting closer! Mum and I went shopping on the weekend for all the last minute baby things. We got a baby bath, nappy disposal unit, a few more newborn sized clothes, a baby book (I know they're a bit out of fashion these days, but I really wanted to do a baby book for Baby Boy), and a manduca baby carrier. The carrier was on my wish list and I wasn't planning on buying it until after Christmas, but mum treated me and bought it for me.

I had my 36 week appointment on Monday. We met with my OBs midwife first, and she talked us through what will happen on Baby Day. And we got the time we need to be at the hospital, what we need to bring in that day and what can wait in the car until after the c-section.

Then we went and saw my OB, my blood pressure is starting to sneak up a bit. It's not in the scary range yet, but is getting close. I had a feeling it was getting higher, I haven't had any headaches or dizziness, but my feet and hands are pretty swollen. And I'm having some carpal tunnel symptoms too, at first it was just my right hand but now it's both. It's making sleeping a nightmare. Until now I've been sleeping ok, up every few hours to visit the loo and roll over but for the most part I'm not aching or sore.

But now? The only way I can sleep that doesn't make my hands and wrists hurt and go numb is laying on my back with my hands flat on the bed next too me. I prop myself up with pillows but I still snore and wind up waking with a dry mouth and aching hips and back.

If I sleep on my side, my right arm goes numb and throbs. Then it takes ages to get feeling back in it and by that stage I'm wide awake. So I wind up napping in the glider or desk chair for a few hours until Tony's alarm goes off and I wake up and go back to bed for an hour or two. But I feel fuzzy and groggy for the rest of the day.

We've had a few warm days and I've been trying to make sure I drink even more water than my usual 2-3l a day. And I've cut down on salt and processed foods but I haven't noticed much of a difference.

My wonderful sister in law took a day off work last week and drove me up to ikea. We picked up a chest of drawers for the nursery and some storage boxes to go in the bookcase we already had. The drawers were a challenge, we're really limited on wall space in the nursery (due to windows taking up one wall and the wardrobes on the other) so they had to be able to fit in the wardrobe, but our wardrobes are really shallow. But we found some that matched the theme of the nursery so they can go out in his room later on and also fit in the wardrobe!

I spent Friday putting away all of his clothes, sheets and things. Then on Saturday Tony finished painting the nursery and on Sunday we moved everything else into the nursery. Tony put the cot together and I organised the change table. We put the cot canopy over the cot to keep the kitties out of the cot, but Monday morning I found White-kitty under the cot anyway. Oh well.

I still want to make cot rail protectors and a cover for the change table mat. I think that'll be my project for next week. And I'm looking at some prints and decorations for the nursery too. I think I've found what I want on Etsy, I just want to check out a few local stores first before I buy them online.

Baby still doesn't have a name. We're tossing around the idea of using family names for both his first and middle names but it still doesn't feel right or feel like it's a good fit. I guess we'll still be talking about names after he's here. I'm down to weekly OB appointments now and there's not many left to go!

32 - 34 weeks - c-section? car seat installed!

Once again it's been a while since I updated. It's partly because I keep forgetting to update, and partly because I'm starting to find typing is awkward. If I sit up at the table or desk with my laptop I have to lean forward to type and get intense rib pain (seriously, it feels like my lower ribs are being ripped apart. I think it's the muscles?cartilage? something hurts!). So I try to balance my laptop on my lap but my belly gets in the way.

My 32 week appointment went well. Except, baby was measuring even further ahead. He's been a bit ahead the whole way. But it's no longer just a few days ahead, at 32 weeks he was measuring 34 weeks 3 days. Tony was with me and asked our OB if that measurement was right. The OB told him not to worry and said he'd do a second measurement and that he was sure it'd be closer to 32, it was probably just the way baby was positioned that was throwing off the measurements. But the second and third measurements were bigger! And they both showed that baby was measuring at 35w.

I'm only short, I'm just 4'10. My whole family is short and I have a petite build (it's just hidden under a few layers of fat). Where as Tony is tall, he's 6ft and for the guys in his family, that's just an average height. At one of my very first OB appointments, we talked about delivery and I said I would like a vaginal birth. My OB said that was fine, as long as baby wasn't measuring more than a week ahead at my 36week appointment, he was concerned about my size if it was a big baby. He told me not to worry about it, and we'd revisit it at 36 weeks. I didn't write about it because I wanted to try and forget about the whole conversation.

I was upset. I cried about this for weeks. Not because I'm against c-sections or I was doubting my OB but because there was the potential there for my body to fail to do something it should be able to do naturally. It was similar to when I found out we had to do the IUIs and then again when we had to move on to IVF.

But at the 12w scan I saw baby was measuring a few days ahead, then at the 19w morphology scan he was a week ahead. My OB does a scan in his office at each appointment. He has never said how big baby was unless I ask.

I see the number pop up in the corner of the screen when he does the measurement and I could see it was a bit ahead each time. But he's never made a big deal of it, he points out the position that baby is laying in (usually on my left side, with his head facing to the right) and we see baby's little hand (or elbow!) up near his face hiding from the ultrasound. Then he scans baby's heart and we listen to the heartbeat before he takes a reading of it. This week at my 34 week appointment baby got the hiccups just as my OB went to do the heartbeat, he's even messing with the OB now! (Usually it's just Tony and I he plays games with, stopping moving when we try to catch him)

So at my 32w appointment when we saw how big baby was, my OB brought up the c-section topic again. I was prepared this time, I'd had time to talk to a friend who had gone through a traumatic forceps birth due to the size of her baby. I wanted to know what recovery was like and what her baby's recovery was like (he'd spent time in special care). I'd also decided that the last thing I wanted was to labour and then wind up with an emergency c-section. I think that would be harder for me to deal with emotionally, you're in the race but then find out you can't finish the race? That wouldn't be something I could handle. Plus Tony and I had also both talked about it a lot.

My OB said that in his opinion a c-section would be the way to go. He said that it was our decision and if I'd like to try a vaginal birth we could go for an in-depth growth scan at the specialist ultrasound clinic that did my 12 and 19 week scans to check on baby's size and I could also get a second opinion from another OB. But I declined to do that and said I was fine with the c-section. So he gave us the date and now we know baby boy's birthday!

I still feel some guilt over this, and probably will for a while. Every google search I've done has women arguing that this is a common misconception, that your body won't grow a baby too big to birth. That c-sections are an easier and more convenient for the OB. That you don't know if your pelvis is too small until you try to give birth. And on and on it goes.

But ultimately, I feel that a c-section is the right choice. I trust my OB, he was also our fertility specialist. I've been seeing him for 18 months now. I know recovery will be hard and I'm not looking forward to it. And I feel bad that baby won't be born in the warm, comforting birth suites that we saw at the hospital tour, instead it'll be in a sterile, cold operating room.

It's scary, we have less time to get ready for baby and there's an end date in sight. My mother in law came with me to my 34w appointment and we saw baby has hair! Baby was measuring even further ahead at 37w which confirmed that yes, this is the right way to go.

I had maternity photos take yesterday, I'm not sure if I'll like them. I had my hair and make up done for them and the make up was quite dark and not as natural as I would've liked. But I've documented my pregnancy and even if I don't like the way my face looks in them, I know that in 5 years time I'll look back at them and be thankful I've got those photos.

We also went to the baby store and had the baby capsule installed in the car yesterday. It seems so complicated to put baby in the carseat and then the carseat in the car! But the guy assured us that it'll be second nature in no time. While we were at the baby store I bought a breast pump, a few bottles and storage bags. I wasn't going to get it until after baby was here, but Tony said we might as well buy it now. I also found reasonably priced hooded baby towels so picked up a few of them too.

I have a few nightgowns and some underwear on laybuy that need to be picked up and I bought a few swaddles in the mail which should arrive soon too.

Then all that's left is a trip to ikea for some baskets and wardrobe organisers and to set up the nursery. The "to do before baby arrives" list is getting really short now!

Baby shower and baby buys

My baby shower was the weekend before last. My aunty and cousin flew up from Adelaide for it and the weather was just gorgeous!

It was a small shower, about 14 people and a few kids but a lovely relaxing day. I'd loosely chosen a nautical theme with navy blue chevron. We kept it pretty simple, my gorgeous sister in law organised cupcakes that had little sail boats, onesies and ducks on them. I made some truffles and did a veggie platter and chips and salsa. Hubby and his friend (the husband of one of my friends) were in charge of the barbecues and did hamburgers and sausages. I also had a bit of a blue themed lolly buffet so there were plenty of sweets!

I didn't stick to traditional games. I had a guess the jelly babies in the jar (which my aunty won) decorate a onesie or bib and message in a bottle (wishes for baby). Some of the answers to the wishes for baby were so special and made me cry. I'm glad we waited until that night otherwise I would've been a sobbing mess. And a few answers made me laugh until I cried.

Our friends and family were so generous. Baby boy is pretty much set for clothes for the first six months of his life. I was also given a nursing pillow, bouncer, cot sheets, wipes, a nappy bin and my cousin's grandma knitted baby some little white booties.

But it wasn't without a few dramas. We were late to get to the park and while I was setting up I put my phone down and completely forgot to take any photos all day. I have a few photos my friends and family took, but they're not the shots I wanted to get.

And then there was the family drama. My husbands sister didn't turn up. She didn't even text or call to say she couldn't make it, either. I was really hurt by that. A few years ago she lived with us, she put my name forward at the school she works at for contracts and casual teaching jobs and I was working with her while going through the first IUI and the first few weeks of my pregnancy when I was really worried my HCG numbers. I just thought we were closer than this. She looks after our niece and is so involved in our nieces life, it just hurt and disappointed me.

The age gap between baby boy and niece will be 9 months. It just brought back all those horrible feelings from when we were struggling and then found out that my brother in law and his gf were pregnant. And how much I wanted our baby to be my mother in laws first grandchild but isn't.

I would love to say something to my sister in law about it, but I know it would hurt my mother in law so I won't.

Now we've had the baby shower and have been thoroughly spoilt with baby gifts, we've started to buy the last few things on our list. This weekend we went out and bought the cot bedding set for baby. I've spent months searching for the perfect, but affordable, bedding set. I stumbled across one online but had to see it in person first. It's a reversible set with a navy blue background and white triangles on one side, and the other side has a geometric pattern blue, yellow, green and white triangles.

I was really after something I could mix and match sheets and colours with. And I didn't want a pastel or pale coloured set. Baby's cot and change table is white and bookcase is a pale birch colour, I wanted a burst of bright colours to break up the pale furniture.

We also got the matching lamp (a complete splurge!) and sheets for the bassinet. I still need to get some wraps and swaddles, mittens, a baby first aid kit and some nursing singlets and underwear for me. Then we're done! Oh, and hubby needs to paint the trim and door on the nursery!

Things are all starting to come together!

29 Weeks

The other day I felt a rhythmic boop, boop, boop, from baby. It was really down low and I couldn't work out what it was for a while. Then it clicked! Hiccups! Since then he's had hiccups once or twice a day. I've felt them once from the outside, but most of the time it feels like my cervix or vagina has the hiccups (way tmi I know, but well, this whole baby/baby making business is always going to be tmi)

At my OB appointment last week he was still head down. The little movements I've been feeling by my belly button are knees and the lumps I feel up under my ribs switch between his bottom and his feet. His bottom feels like a big lump and I often feel it roll on my right side. Feet are different movements, they're little boops and look like my stomach is twitching, usually on my right side too but he spins from side to side a fair bit. It is so amazing to be watching him on the ultrasound and feeling the movements at the same time.

He still likes to hide from Tony. He'll be moving so much, then Tony will put his hand on my stomach and he goes all quiet and stops.

We're still not going any where with names. Our list of names changes each time we talk about it.

I stepped on the scales and I'm not at my heaviest weight ever. It's the same weight I was in my last year of uni, except my face isn't as chubby as it was back then. OH, and my ribs have expanded that much that my bra size has changed again. The band size has gone up but the cup size has gone down. That made me cry.

Other things that made me cry? Not being able to find a cute maternity dress for my baby shower next week. (I've ordered a few online and have sent a few back. Waiting on yet another lot from Asos) Not being able to wear my cute shoes any more (hello swollen feet!) and not being able to just jump in the car and run errands.

But there's been lots of good things too. No gestational diabetes and I'm now down to fortnightly OB appointments. Mum is coming with me to the one next week, she's been waiting for this since the start of my pregnancy. She's even taking a half day from work to come down for it, that in itself is huge! Tony has started painting the nursery, it needs one more coat of paint and then to do the door. AND (this is big for me) I met up with a friend from one of my online due date groups. I'm really quite shy and the big meet ups were a bit intimidating. But she lives in the same area as I do, so we met up at a cafe (Max Brenner! Yum!) and it was great. She worked as a teacher before having her first baby and she's an ivf mumma too.

Next week is my baby shower, we sent the invites out the other week. Thank goodness for etsy, it has made baby shower planning so much easier, I just bought the games, cupcake toppers and invites then printed them.

And next week we have our first birthing class too. It's all happening now! Things are starting to get busy and it'll be no time before he's here!

Week 26 - Hubby's birthday!

It's official, my belly is now too big for me to drive. I'm short and our car is an older model, I was noticing early on that my belly was getting closer and closer to the steering wheel. I got away with moving the seat back an extra notch but my belly started rubbing on the wheel and when I tried moving the seat back again I couldn't press the clutch in all the way. So no more driving for me.

It's been about two weeks since I've driven and I'm handling it ok. (I grew up in a small town, so strongly associate driving and having a car with independence. I hate having to rely on people.) I started doing our grocery shopping online and I also bought Tony's birthday gifts online. I love window shopping and I felt kinda bad because they weren't awesome gifts, they were practical and boring. I still haven't gotten the hang of online shopping for gifts.

There's a small shopping centre just a short walk away and I can get on a tram to go to a slightly larger one or try my luck with the bus system. But I haven't done that just yet, I need to find my travel card and put some money on it. I think there's only about $3 on it and that won't get me very far at all!

We've made progress on the nursery! Gone are the ugly shelves, blinds and the last of the random junk that we were storing in there. Tony has started patching the holes in the walls from the shelves and sanded back the door frame. He's got to patch a few more small holes and do one more light sand of the door frame before we can wash the walls and paint!

Pregnancy insomnia hit hard this week. Tuesday night I got about 5 hours of broken sleep. I tossed and turned and then napped in the glider for a while before going back to bed for an hour. Wednesday night was worse, I went to bed late but by 1am was wide awake. I went out to the glider and tried to sleep but it wasn't happening so I went online and ordered the invites for our baby shower and did some online shopping. I finally went back to bed and an hour later Tony's alarm went off and I was awake again. But luckily I got some decent sleep last night, I even slept for 5 hours in a row without having to get up to pee!

I've had a few days of morning sickness again too. Feeling queasy and needing to snack every 2 hours to starve it off. And the blood nose is back too.

It's Tony's birthday today, but before we can go out for dinner we have the annual owners meeting for our building. It's going to be interesting, no children or babies at all live in our building. There's no by-laws that say they can't live here, but I'm sure there'll be some comments once baby boy is here. We haven't told any of our neighbours that I'm pregnant, but that's because we're private people not because we're hiding my pregnancy. I'm a bit overweight, it's only now I'm looking more and more pregnancy and less fat.

Tomorrow my family is coming over for a barbecue. Last week my little cousin (well, he's 21 now! Not so little anymore I guess) flew up to work with mum and dad so it'll be great to see him and everyone else. I've been so disorganised though, ususally I have everything planned and lists made for when we host a lunch.

This time? Well, this time it wasn't until my brother emailed me and said "hey, what do I bring tomorrow?" that I had a panic and realised how unprepared I was. And then I couldn't just jump in the car to head to the supermarket to grab everything. I don't know if it's baby brain, or I just can't be bothered.

Next week I've got to do the glucose challenge. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't mind sugary drinks, but I can't stand artificial flavours at the moment. And I won't be surprised at all if I fail, I'm overweight, have pco, and over 30. (Plus, I have a sweet tooth, or did before I fell pregnant!) And I'm not looking forward to the blood test either. Hopefully they can find a vein easily enough and don't have to do too much digging around. Ouch!

24 weeks - and some scary symptoms

Today is 24w1d. The last few weeks have gone well, this last week I've started to realise I need to slow down.

I started having a few dizzy spells last week. Mostly when I was getting up to go to the loo at night. But then on Thursday I was eating a late breakfast and suddenly it felt like everything was tilting to the left.

Then on Friday I scared myself, I was pushing the grocery trolley (cart/buggy thing) and it caught on a bump in the carpark. The trolley stopped but I didn't and it rammed into my belly, just below my ribs. It made me feel sick instantly but it wasn't until I got home and tried to call Tony that I started to worry and panic.

Of course I couldn't get hold of Tony because he was in a meeting and that made it worse. He rang me back and by then I was a mess of tears worried that the trolley had hurt baby. Tony came home from work early reassured me that there wasn't even a red mark or a bruise so baby would be fine.

After I calmed down I went into the kitchen and started baking. I wanted to make jam drop and chocolate chip biscuits for my brothers birthday the next day. I felt really bad that I wasn't baking his cake, and still wanted to bring something home cooked.

But spending all day Friday out, then standing for a few hours in the kitchen made my feet swell up. After we got home from my brothers birthday barbecue on Saturday night my feet and ankles were puffy balloons. I could feel my feet jiggle when I walked and it was awful.

I had my 24 week OB appointment on Monday and told my doctor what had been happening. He checked my feet for swelling and said they were swollen but not too bad. My blood pressure was good, he said it's been a bit low the whole way through this pregnancy so it's more than likely low blood pressure. If it gets worse or happens more frequently I've got to give him or the midwife a call.

But it was scary, my whole family have high blood pressure. Two of my aunts had pre-eclampsia and I was sure I was heading down that path. It's been a reality check that I need to slow down, I can't spend all day and then a few extra hours at night on my feet. And I've stopped driving too, my belly is in the way of the steering wheel and I just don't feel safe anymore. It's not safe for baby, me or other drivers on the road.

Finally onto a few positive things! Baby has been a lot more active. I can see my stomach move now! He's still head down and I see little movements up high which would be his feet and more movements near my belly button which is either elbows or knees. And Tony finally felt him move for the first time last night! Each time I'd say "feel this" and put his hand on my stomach, baby would stop.

I sent off the paperwork to reserve a picnic area and barbecue for the baby shower yesterday. I know ettiquite says you shouldn't throw your own baby shower, but this is just going to be a casual low key one. More of a get both families together for a barbecue than a traditional baby shower. I'm not going to have games, probably just decorating some bibs and onesies and a wishes for baby type activity. My favourite aunty and cousins are flying up for that week and I can't wait to see them!

Still no progress on a first name. Middle name is narrowed down to two names that I switch between. No new stretch marks either. Wearing closed in shoes, bras and pants is awful, I can't wait for the weather to warm up a bit so I can go back to dresses and skirts. I'm craving salted peanuts, Tony brought me home a little bag the other day and they were the best things ever! Still can't eat broccoli but I managed to eat asparagus and green beans in a risotto the other night with no problems. And hormonal meltdowns are still here, I got upset by something Tony said at the supermarket yesterday. I managed to hold it together until we were back in the car but then I just melted down into tears and was a red, blotchy, snotty mess. I'm really ready for the meltdowns and hormonal headaches to stop.

Week.....21 and a catch up!

So I skipped about a month of updates, whoops! I'm well and baby is well. At the morphology scan two weeks ago baby was a perfect little boy! Measuring a few days ahead like last time. Took forever to see get his heart measurements on the scan because he kept rolling around, the same with his lips, he kept pushing his hands up to his face. But he quite happy flashed his bits at the ultrasound wand! There was no doubts about that!

I just felt that I was only writing about my whinges and complaints. But to be honest, I'm not finding this pregnancy easy. I know it's such a blessing that I'm pregnant, without science it wouldn't have been possible.

I also feel guilty complaining about pregnancy and how hard I'm finding it, when I spent years waiting to try to conceive and then even more years trying. When I was trying and I read about someone who'd been through ivf complaining about pregnancy I found really hard. I'd get angry and just couldn't understand why they were complaining about something I wanted so bad.

But now I'm on the other side of ivf, I get it. I totally get it. For me, going through the IUI cycles and then IVF was hard. But it was also only short, each cycle was only for a few weeks at a time. The hormones, side effects and mood swings were there for a few weeks and then there'd be a brief break before starting again. This time there's been no break.

The nausea has finally, finally eased. It only comes back if I forget to eat. But the headaches and migraines are still here. So is the heartburn and reflux. And mood swings, oh boy! The mood swings. I spent most of yesterday just angry at everything but then I cried when I went through the coffee shop drive through and got a hot chocolate because they put extra marshmallows in it for free and it tasted so damn good.

I think this week my belly has popped, I've gone from look fat and frumpy to definitely pregnant. But as a result I think my ribs are starting to expand and hate all my bras. The bands are just too tight and maternity bras are so ugly or expensive. I got teary at Target on Thursday night looking at them but at least I did actually buy one.

We've got nearly all the big items for baby sorted out thanks to the end of financial year sales and the baby and children's expo that was on in Brisbane last month. I got the cot and change table second hand for a great price, I just need to get a mattress and change table pad. My mum bought us the pram (stroller) and we bought the baby capsule (infant carseat) last weekend. We've also got the bassinet to go beside our bed for the first few weeks.

While we were at the baby expo I sat down in a glider chair and it was perfect. I'd be testing glider and rocking chairs out for a while but the arm rests were either too far apart or the head rest was too high or they just weren't comfy. But this one was awesome and it even reclined! So we bought it there and then. It's so so ugly, it's black and looks like a strange desk chair but it's that comfortable I could easily sleep in it now!

I also got a nursing pillow and a starter pack of cloth nappies (diapers). We watched a few demos of different brands and went with a one size fits most. I don't intend to use cloth full time, but even part time would ease the expense of disposables. I also got a nappy bag, but I'm not sure if I like it or if it's going to be practical. But it is pretty!

I think that's about everything. I'm starting to feel movements right down low and can feel when he kicks (or headbutts!) my bladder and cervix, but not from the outside just yet. No new stretch marks. Not wearing my wedding rings because my hands are that dry I'm constantly applying hand lotion and my wedding band was getting all gunky. Last week I was craving oranges but that's passed now. Onions, garlic, radishes and spicy foods are awful and set off my reflux.

I really want to try and write here more regularly. I want to be able to look back and remember what pregnancy was like for me with the good and the bad times. 

Week 15

Sickness sucks, I'm still sick and still coughing. It'd be nice if my voice would come back!

How far along: 15 weeks
Baby is the size of: Navel Orange
Total weight gain: a few kgs
Maternity clothes: Stretchy skirts and pjs are my fave clothes at the moment
Stretch marks: No new ones
Sleep: All the time, I get up around 4-5am and have breakfast and go back to bed for a few hours after the husbands alarm goes off
Best moment of this week: Sleeping, seriously it's the only way I got through being sick
Could live without: being sick, gagging each time I cough or blow my nose
Movement: none yet
Food cravings: Chocolate paddlepops (chocolate water based ice-blocks)
Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything
Labor signs: none
Belly button in or out: in but my second lap scar is more noticeable now
Wedding rings on or off: still just wearing my wedding ring
Happy or moody most of the time: Moody and teary
Looking forward to: Getting better! Next OB appointment
Anything else:

Week 14

No real update for this week.  Being sick while pregnant sucks, my husband came down with a cold and I caught it. Except he took cold and flu tablets and only had two days of feeling really bad. I woke up feeling awful on Friday and today is Tuesday. The only reason why I'm not in my nest of pillows in bed is because I'm nearly out of tissues and have to go to the supermarket.

No decongestants, no ibuprofen and no cough syrup. I'm a miserable snotty, sneezing, wheezing, coughing mess. And of course I'm worried that this is going to turn into pneumonia and I'll wind up in hospital again. And then I worried that all this coughing is bouncing baby around and hurting him or her. And then I worried that I'm not bonding with baby. Ugh, and now I'm crying.

Week 13

I had another OB appointment this week, but first we met with the Midwife in my OB's office. She went through all the paperwork for booking into the hospital and our different options for antenatal classes. She also gave me two Bounty Bags, full of tiny baby samples and goodies, along with pregnancy magazines and a pregnancy diary.

Then we went and saw the OB, he did a quick scan and we heard baby's heartbeat again. Even though we'd only just heard it a few days before at the NT scan it's always a relief to hear it. I'm so glad my OB checks my blood pressure after the scan and not before as I'm always so anxious until I hear it.

I go a script for Pariet to help with my heartburn and reflux. It was manageable until antacids started making me gag, I tried all different types of tablets chewable, ones you swallow whole, different flavours. And I tried the liquids, but it got to the point where if I took a tablet I just couldn't swallow it and the liquids made me feel even more nauseated (I think it was because they're such a thick liquid).

And I got the referral for the Morphology scan, it's already booked but I just needed to pick up the referral.

How far along: 13 weeks
Baby is the size of: Peach
Total weight gain: I'm up a few kgs, which is to be expected when I have days where I just can't stop eating
Maternity clothes: Loving my belly belt and stretchy maxi skirts
Stretch marks: No new ones
Sleep: I wake up once a night to go the loo, but some nights I wake up quite a few times with a dry mouth (pregnancy has turned me into a mouth breather at night)
Best moment of this week: Seeing and hearing baby at the OBs
Could live without: Headaches, heartburn and nausea. Same as last week
Movement: Still too early
Food cravings: Curried sausages, I finally got my satay chicken pizza last week and it was so good!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Bad smells, going too long without eating, and just about everything
Labor signs: None
Belly button in or out: In
Wedding rings on or off: Still wearing just my plain wedding ring
Happy or moody most of the time: It changes every 5 minutes, I swing between happy, teary and irritable
Looking forward to: Going to Baby Warehouse, we didn't get around to it this weekend
Anything else: Nothing else I can think of

Week 12 and NT Scan results!

I had my NT scan on Thursday and everything is perfect! We saw baby moving, bouncing around, swallowing and waving it's little arms around. Towards the end of the scan it kept putting its arms up to its head and rolling away from the ultrasound wand.

The results were great, low risk for all three trisomys! And the sonographer even gave an early prediction as to whether we're having a boy or a girl. While I was there I booked my Morphology scan for late June. It's hard to believe that's just 6 weeks away now!

I also bought a gorgeous little all in one and some super cute socks. I just couldn't help it!

How far along: 12 weeks
Baby is the size of: lime
Total weight gain: I haven't stepped on the scales in a few weeks, I'm a bit scared too!
Maternity clothes: Not yet, I am wearing my fat jeans from when I was heavier and have bought a few tops in a size bigger
Stretch marks: No new ones so far
Sleep: I wake up a few times a night, either to pee or get a drink. But for the first time in my life I fall asleep easily and sleep deeply. That doesn't mean I'm still tired when I wake up, even after 8-10 hours.
Best moment of this week: Seeing baby at the ultrasound
Could live without: Headaches and tailbone pain
Movement: No movement, still too early and I have an anterior placenta so it'll be a while yet
Food cravings: Vinegar on hot chips and anything salty. Oh! And chicken satay pizza!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything. Bad smells, waiting too long to eat, trying to brush my teeth, heartburn, headaches, drinking not enough water, drinking too much water
Labor signs: None
Belly button in or out: In
Wedding rings on or off: I've taken off my engagement ring and I'm just wearing my wedding ring. Not because its too tight but the diamonds kept spinning around and annoying me. Everything annoys me.
Happy or moody most of the time: Moody and teary. I've teared up twice today already.
Looking forward to: Going to Baby Warehouse to check out prams and carseats this weekend!
Anything else: I miss eating sweets and dessert. They just don't taste right anymore, it's sad. :(

Week 11

This is starting to feel more and more real. The little yellow booties I bought arrived this week. They're so cute and so tiny. I've had them sitting on my desk since they arrived, just because they make me smile when I see them.

We also told some more friends today. R&B were with me the day I got the call back from the fertility clinic on CD1. I haven't seen them since then! They had their second baby 8 weeks ago, I've been sick on and off, and it's just been hard to catch up. We were out to lunch and I was holding the baby when B asked me how our IVF cycle went, I said it went well, really well! And I'm due in November. I thought B was going to cry! She was so happy for us, which made me a bit emotional and teary.

The thing with IVF is that there's no surprise, our families knew about our cycle so when I got the positive beta it was more of a "what a relief, it worked" than a YAY! reaction when we told them.

My family aren't really baby people either, I know they'll never volunteer to baby sit and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them anyway. They're more puppy people than baby people, if that makes sense. My husbands family loves babies, but we're the second last to have a children. My husbands brother and two cousins have children so there's a lot of babies and there's nearly always a baby or someone pregnant so it's just the norm. They were happy for us, but it was expected and more of a "about time" reaction.

Nausea has also continued this week. When will it end? I though this was meant to start easing by now. I'm sure if I didn't have a fear of vomiting I would've spent hours in the bathroom by now. Last night was awful. I kept walking back and forth to the bathroom but I just physically couldn't be sick.

A super sense of smell is still here, I don't know if I ever mentioned that. It makes my nausea even worse, especially when my neighbours are cooking something strong smelling.

And I cried over lots of silly things this week, hello mood swings! On Wednesday kitchen bin needed to be emptied but it smelt too bad for me to do it. But because of it I couldn't walk into the kitchen either. I was super thirsty and couldn't stand in the kitchen long enough without gagging from the smell. I wound up calling my husband in tears asking if he could come home from work early to get me a glass of water and take the bin out.

I also had my first case of baby brain. I was making pancakes yesterday and thought I put in a tablespoon of caster sugar into the batter. The batter was quite puffy and thick but I didn't think anything of it. I was cooking the first pancake and it didn't smell right. So I grabbed the vanilla and added some and then went to add in another tablespoon of sugar. It was then I tasted the sugar. But it wasn't sugar, nooooo, it was bi-carb soda.

The worst thing is, I even remember looking at the bi-carb soda and thinking "wow, that's really finely milled caster sugar. I must've splurged and bought the name brand sugar" When I told my husband what I'd done, he just laughed. I'm just glad I caught the mistake before I'd cooked up the whole batch and we'd started eating!

Tomorrow I'm officially 12 weeks. My nt scan is on Thursday and we'll get the results on the day. I'm not too nervous about it, I know if I'm high risk the scanning place we're going to will offer counseling on the day and can also do the further testing. And it's in the building next door to where my husband's office used to be, just down the street from our house. So I'm not going to be worried about finding the place or getting there on time.

I'll probably still have trouble sleeping the night before, the closer to the scan day the more anxious I get. But for now, I'm cautiously excited to see baby again.

Blood tests and shortness of breath

Tomorrow I have to go and have blood work done for the NT test. I'm really dreading it. The last time I had blood work done was in the hospital when I had pnuemonia. And then it took five goes and two people before they got a vein. (I thought it was only three, but the other day my husband said it was five)

I kind of wish I could go back to the fertility clinic and get my favourite nurse to do the blood draw. But I have to go to a pathology lab, there's one nearby at my medical centre but I've had two nurses there struggle so I'm going to go down to the one next door to the hospital.

This week I've had a bit of shortness of breath and it's killing me! The lift is out in our building and walking up four flights of stairs is such a hassle. I have to keep stopping to catch my breath. I never had that problem before I got pregnant. Sure, I'd be a bit out of breath once I got to our door but I never had to stop unless I was carrying something heavy like groceries or one of the cats in a cat carrier.

I went back to work for the first time today since the holidays and since I was sick. Last time I was there, I hinted to one of the other teachers that I might've been pregnant. It was when my HCG wasn't rising and I was really worried. She asked me today how everything was going and if it's good news, and I told her it was! And that I go for the 12 week scan next week. It really feels real when you start telling people.

But work really wore me out. I didn't drink nearly enough water and I'm nursing a bit of a headache right now and feeling quite queasy. My feet were killing me too. I ended up taking off my shoes and walking up the stairs in barefeet once I got home because there was no way I was wearing those shoes for one minute longer. I left my work bag in the car too. It weighs a tonne and it can stay in the car until I get Tony to bring it up or the lift is working again. 

Week 10

While I had a few days break from being nauseated, I still had a few bad days. This week it was mostly triggered by strong smells. Tuesday and Wednesday were good days, and Thursday was turning out to be pretty good too. Until I went out to the chemist and did the grocery shopping.

While I was at the chemist, buying more Morning Sickness Relief tablets (slow release ginger and B6) a guy walked past and he smelt awful, body odour, unwashed clothes and poor hygiene. I was just as I was handing over my vitamins and bottle of water to the cashier as he walked by and 5 second later the smell hit me and I gagged. Loudly and violently. The kind of episode where you have no warning, and you're left with tears streaming down your face and feeling embarrassed. (I feel sick just writing about it)

And the poor cashier, she looked horrified.  She asked if I was ok, I said I was fine and then went and sat down for a few minutes before drinking some water and tackling the grocery shopping. I shouldn't have done that. I should've gotten back in the car and gone home, because now I could smell everything and I wound up not being able to get half the food on my list because I couldn't walk down some aisles and there was no way I could walk into the produce or meat section.

Heartburn also turned up this week, everything has given me indigestion or heartburn. Even just plain water. And I've had a few breakouts too. I've been battling with dry skin since the weather has turned cooler, my nose and cheeks are dry and flaky but my chin, jaw and neck are breaking out. And my scalp is freaking out, it's gone from being so greasy I need to wash my hair every day to dry and flaky too. My lips are dry and peeling, it can't be from dehydration as I'm drinking 2-3 litres of iced water a day as well as juice with lunch and peppermint tea before bed.

I'm running out of comfy clothes to wear too. I bought some t shirts in a larger size but I'm down to just one of my regular skirts. I have three other skirts that are made of stretchy material that I wear to work, but my casual denim skirts and jeans are getting too tight. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, I hate paying full price for clothes and maternity clothes are nearly triple what I'm used to spending. I'm cheap when it comes to clothes, I think I'll wait until the NT Scan and then buy one or two pieces. I don't want to buy too much too early.

Speaking of the NT Scan, I booked it! I do the blood test this Friday when I'm 11w4d and then have the actual scan the following Thursday at 12w3d. We'll get the results of the scan on the day, and a dvd. And then the following Monday is my next OB appointment when I'll be 13 weeks.

November seems so far away but at the same time so close!

Week 9

The nausea started to ease this week and I had two days were I felt great! As long as I snacked the second I felt hungry or sick I stayed on top of the nausea. But I also had my first migraine in months. That was not fun.

I sent Tony out to get me a coke and go to the chemist to see if I could still take my usual migraine tablets. Even though I had two pharmacists tell me it was ok to take them, I still felt bad about taking them and then worried even more, which didn't help. It was the day after the confirmation scan and flu shot. I'm pretty sure it was a combination of stressing myself out over the scan, side effects of the flu shot and not drinking nearly enough water while sitting in waiting rooms at the FS/OB and GP.

I'm still on progesterone pessaries every third night, I forgot to ask at my appointment how long I'm on them for. The FS nurses had told me that with some girls Dr S has them stop the pessaries at 9 weeks but with others he likes to wait until after the NT scan. I still have plenty in the fridge but I should ring and ask the midwife at his office just to double check.

This week I also went into a baby and childrens clothing store and actually made a purchase! Not for our baby, but for my niece. Previously I'd avoid any baby stores, I just didn't feel like I belonged or could shop in them. Infertility really makes you question even the smallest of things and walking into that store was just too hard in the past. I just bought two little Easter and bunny themed bibs as an Easter gift, but still, that was a huge step for me.

But I did buy something for our baby, it's the very first purchase I've made. I went on etsy and bought the cutest little yellow booties. They have little yellow duck buttons on them and I plan to use them in our facebook/social media announcement. My husband has been nagging me to announce on facebook for a few weeks now, but I'm a bit too superstitious and I wanted to wait until I was further along. I think I'll still wait a week or two after our next appointment before I go public on facebook.

And my gorgeous mother in law and sister in law gave us a photo frame to put a picture of the scan in. It has the sweetest poem on it and they made me tear up. My mother in law is also knitting a doll for our baby. My grandmother used to knit a lot and made every new baby in the family a knitted doll, when I saw the same pattern she used in a craft store I had to buy it. In the last few years my mother in law has learnt to knit and she offered to knit the doll for us. My grandma passed away a few years ago and it means so much to me that my child will have the same hand knitted doll, made by their grandmother.

Of course, it was Easter this week too! We had lunch with Tony's family on Friday and lunch with my family on Saturday. Low key and uneventful, which was nice. I don't think anyone noticed that I only took the smallest amount of food for lunch, I'm still struggling to eat a full meal.

That reminds me, a few mornings this week I woke up at 5am and was starving! One of those days I felt great, just hungry. I ate a full breakfast, lunch and dinner which surprised me and my husband! But that didn't last and I'm back to snacking.

Sleep wise, I'm waking up a few times a night to get a drink and visit the loo. But I sleep so soundly that it doesn't bother me. I fall asleep pretty quickly and mostly stay asleep. Sometimes I sleep that deeply that I don't even move and I wake up stiff and sore in the same position I fell asleep in.

This week hasn't been too bad but I am really ready for the nausea to go. I'll take heartburn and headaches over the nausea any day.

Second confirmation scan

This afternoon was my second confirmation scan. I was so nervous about this scan, I tried to keep busy all morning but wound up just jumping from one thing to another and not accomplishing anything!

By the time Tony came home from work at midday I'd worked myself up into a mess. I'd straightened my hair but then cried because it had started to rain and that was going to make my hair frizz. Then I panicked and worried even more until I had a headache and was feeling like I was going to be sick. (I completely different type of nausea to my morning sickness).

We got to my FS's office 25 minutes early so I had time to visit the loo and wander slowly through the coffee shop downstairs. And then we waited. And waited. I can never pick it, the days I'm running late Dr S is either running early or right on time but the days I'm early he's running late.

We went in and he did the scan. I was surprised because it was an abdominal scan not transvaginal! First time in my life I've ever been grateful for having a tilted pelvis which made the scan so much easier.

I think I held my breath for the first few minutes of the scan. It was easy to see the baby shaped blob floating around but I couldn't see the heartbeat. Dr S was pointing out the bright lines which are the limbs and all I could think was "stop talking about the limbs, show me the heartbeat!"

Then, after taking a few measurements he zoomed in and pointed out the heartbeat and I started to breathe again. He hit a button and suddenly we could not only see the heartbeat but hear it. Best sound in the world.

Baby is still measuring right on track and the heart rate was 171 beats per minute. We got a few more print outs to add to our collection, Dr S took my blood pressure and then sat down to discuss the serious stuff.

He gave us our options about the first diagnostic testing. We could skip it all together, do the more traditional NT blood test and scan or the much more expensive Harmony blood test. For this test we're low risk, there's no history of Down Syndrome in either of our families, nor is there any history of the other trisomys that they test for. I'm under 35 and I've never had a miscarriage or been pregnant with a child with Down Syndrome. So we've decided to do the NT scan. He gave me the referral and the ultrasound clinic is actually only a street away from my house which is nice and close!

He also strongly recommended I get a flu shot, he likes all his expectant mothers to have one once they get past the 9 week mark (and they're free for pregnant women) but because I've already been in hospital with pnuemonia and I was 9 weeks today, he wanted me to have it done this week and before school starts back.

He also let us know that if we wanted to stay with him as our OB or swap to another OB I'd have to go back to the GP and get a pregnancy referral. I knew my GP was working late tonight so after going home for a snack we went to the GP.

I love our GP, I hate that she now works at a drop in medical centre so there's no appointments you just rock up and wait. But she is so thorough and nice. Our fertility referral also runs out this month so I could hear the concern in her voice at the start when I asked for another referral to see Dr S. But once she heard it was for pregnancy and not infertility her face broke out in a giant smile and she congratulated us.

She also gave me my flu shot. The second she tore open the alcohol swab my stomach tensed up, the smell of the swab made me brace for the sting to be in my stomach not my arm. The sting of the flu shot was nothing compared to the sting of the orgaultran. IVF has left it's mark on me, I wasn't prepared for a flu shot to make me flash back to my morning FSH and Orgalutran shots.

I've got a few weeks of no appointments, then in week 12 it's the NT scan and blood test. Week 13 is my first official OB appointment with Dr S. We meet with his midwife first and she'll go over all our hospital information and forms, then go onto our appointment with him.

In week 14 I have to book in with the hospital and also book the antenatal classes. We won't attend the classes until around week 28-32 but they fill up fast.

This is all happening, I still find it hard to believe that it's real.

Week 8

This week was the week of no energy, headaches and super greasy hair. My poor husband, last week I barely cooked a single meal, this week I got so behind on the washing he had to go searching for clean socks and work shirts most mornings.

I'm so glad that this week was school holidays, nearly every morning I woke up with a shocking headache. Then once the headache would finally go the nausea would hit. It was like being hungover after drinking far too much red wine.

I only had one really bad day nausea wise, and that was yesterday. I think the hot weather had something to do with it. It's the middle of Autumn and we're still getting the odd 31C (88F) day. Enough already! And I swear, everything my husband did made me feel worse. He has a bad habit of chewing his nails and the noise was making me dry wretch. Then when he stopped doing that he was doing some work from home and was swinging in his desk chair which made me feel even worse.

The final straw was at about 10pm at night and I finally found something to settle my stomach, iced water. I was getting the ice out of the freezer when he pushed past me and used the last of the blackcurrant cordial and took a giant handful of ice. I burst into tears. I thought he was using all the ice and that was the only thing making me feel better. After that I gave up and went to bed.

What's making me even more emotional is I feel like I can't complain about how awful I feel. I have wanted this pregnancy for so long and we went through so much to get pregnant. I feel that if I complain that makes me a hypocrite and not deserving of this pregnancy.

I also know how lucky I am not to be vomiting every day, multiple times a day. Instead I have 10-12 hours of nausea a day and food aversions to nearly everything. But at the same time I'm starving all day long but can only eat small meals or snacks.

Food wise I've been eating a lot of toast, vegemite and processed cheese slices on toast. Peanut butter on toast. Cream cheese and vegemite on cruskits (I'm sensing a theme!) Tubs of apple puree. Tiny teddy biscuits or cookie boxes from McDonalds. Small cokes from McDonalds. Fizzy fruit tingle lollies. Crisp cold apple slices. And tiny handfuls of plain potato chips.

Cooking has been a bit easier and I've cooked dinner most nights, I haven't always eaten it or I just have a tiny serve and my husband takes the leftovers to work for lunch.

I finally worked up the nerve to step on the scales and weight myself this week. I was really bloated one night and even my larger clothes weren't fitting. I was so sure I'd put on a stack of weight because I'm really only eating junk food. But I'm back down the the weight I was before I started the ivf cycle. It must just be bloat of baby which is making my clothes tighter.

Tomorrow I'm 9 weeks and I have the second confirmation scan in the afternoon with our FS. I'm so nervous about tomorrow. I'm scared it's going to be bad news. Our FS is also an OB and I really want to stay with him but I'm also worried that he might already be booked, or the hospital he delivers at will be booked out for November. I just want everything to be fine and going well.

Week 7

Tomorrow marks week eight of pregnancy. Week seven was the week morning sickness arrived. I'd previously had a few days of feeling a bit off, but this week has been different. Ironically, it's never in the mornings. I wake up absolutely staving! But I don't feel sick or queasy until later on in the day.

If I'm a little bit late having lunch, then the nausea hits hard and fast. Even if I eat an early lunch and have snack then I still feel awful around 4pm. I don't even have to look at the clock to know it's nearly 4pm because the waves of nausea would have already let me know.

Usually a snack of cheese and jatz crackers (or cheese, olives and crackers) can make me feel better for a little while. If it doesn't make me feel better, then I'm not eating or making dinner. I just sip iced water (which is a new thing, I usually can't stand iced or cold water) and have some carrot and celery sticks for dinner. Maybe a green apple and another piece of cheese if I think I can stomach it.

For a few days hot salted chips from McDonalds and a regular coke made me feel awesome but as of Friday, that's not working. Hot chips and a regular coke has always worked for me. Post migraine haze and nausea, after anesthesia, sickness and other ickyness I've picked up from work, and even back when I drank and had a hangover it was my cure. It kind of makes me sad to know that my magic cure isn't working.

Luckily, I haven't actually thrown up. I had a close call the day my husband forgot to take the kitchen rubbish out and I had to put it down the garbage chute. I think if I didn't have such a fear of vomiting and such a strong stomach I would've been ill by now.

Oh, and I've been using sea bands for when the nausea is really bad. I don't know if they truly work, or if it's just in my mind but they do seem to help. At least they help take my mind off of feeling ick because they're ugly and itchy and I'm more focused on them they the nausea.

I did have a blissful 24 hours where I felt great this week. I'd felt awful all day, then struggled with dinner but after dinner I started to feel great! And it lasted all night, the next day I even prepared and ate a full lunch, I made my husband one of his favourite meals for dinner but then after dinner started to feel sick again. I think it's the first time since starting the shots back in Feb that I've eaten a full meal and haven't had any low level nasuea or general ickyness.

Just one week to go until the second confirmation scan! I'm really looking forward to it. I also really need the reassurance that everything is still ok.

Sickness and an early scan

What a week. Last Thursday I woke up and had a bit of a pain in my left ribs. I thought I'd slept in a weird position as my boobs have been hurting so I couldn't sleep in my usual position. I just took a panadol and went on with work. I did notice my hands were a little shaky when I was doing some marking but put it down to not eating properly and having low blood sugar.

Saturday morning the pain in my ribs was still there but I felt good! We went for a walk down the street to have a late breakfast and then when we got home I napped on the couch. But by around 9pm the pain was getting worse. I couldn't find a comfy position on the couch so I sat at my husbands desk and just watched some youtube.

I woke up at 3am and the pain was worse. I grabbed a heatpack and took a panadeine (paracetamol with codeine, my nurse had said they were fine to take for migraines) and eventually went back to sleep.

But I woke up again at 6am and was gasping for breath. It was so frightening. I couldn't breathe deeply without intense pain, I was short of breath and moving was excruciating. I woke Tony up and asked him to take me down to A&E at the hospital my FS works at. I was scared it was blood clot.

We got there and they ran some tests. Three failed IV attempts, two attempts at an xray and the A&E Dr arguing with the radiologist because he refused to xray me even though the on call FS had said it was fine as long as they put the lead apron on me. Eventually the blood work came back and I got the xray done and I was diagnosed me with Pneumonia.

I'd had none of the normal symptoms, just the pain and shortness of breath. It was scary how suddenly this came on. The respiratory Dr thinks that my immune system is lower because I am pregnant and I'd picked it up from one of the kids at work. My shaking hands were more than likely a sign of a low grade fever.

My FS came and saw me on Monday and was a bit concerned. He reassured me that the medications and xray were completely safe but he'd like me to come into his office once I was released from hospital.

Finally on Tuesday at lunch time I was able to go home, my birthday was Wednesday and I desperately wanted to wake up in my own bed on my birthday. My FS was in his office all day so we walked next door and he fitted us in between appointments to do a early scan. I was only 6w1d on Tuesday and I knew that we probably wouldn't be able to see a heartbeat.

My FS explained that he wanted to confirm the location of the pregnancy and measure the pregnancy to make sure it's on track. I knew they were a bit worried about an ectopic pregnancy at the start when my HCG levels weren't rising as fast as they should've been. But there on the screen at the very top of my uterus, exactly where he had transfered the embryo was a perfect gestational sack. Inside was one tiny baby measuring spot on at 6w1d.

And even better was the faint flicker of a very early heartbeat. It looked like a little line flashing on the screen. He took two shots and printed them out for us. Best early birthday present I've ever gotten. I have to go back in three weeks time for a second confirmation scan just to make sure that everything is still on track. 

It's been a rough few days, I got sick so quickly and I'm still so weak and run down. I'm on antibiotics for a week and then have to go to my GP for a check up. I'm feeling a bit better today, I've done some washing and the dishes but even those two tasks made me want to take a nap. There's only another week left of term so I'm making myself unavailable until the new term starts after the holidays.

I hope that the rest of my pregnancy is normal and boring.

Beta #3

I left work just a few minutes after 3pm on Monday, I wanted to drive into town where I have phone service and talk to a nurse at my clinic.

Luckily, my nurse was working and I got to talk to her. She looked over Saturdays results and wasn't happy that we'd been told they weren't doubling in 48 hours. She explained that doubling in 48 hours is a bit outdated and they like to see the numbers increase by 66% within 48 hours. My numbers were just under that but she wasn't too concerned. I asked if she was working Wednesday and she said she'd keep an eye out for me in the waiting room.

I slept horribly last night. My deputy principal had asked me to take the class for the rest of the week and I was feeling guilty that I'd be leaving them with their fourth relief teacher in 3 weeks. I know it's just one day but these kids don't cope well with change. I'm back there Thursday and Friday but I was still worried about how they'd go.

And I was worried about my HCG level. I think it's worse, because the teacher I'm replacing did an ivf cycle a few weeks ahead of me, but is having complications. So every day I'm hearing updates about how she's going and how things aren't looking good. I know that she's just 3 weeks ahead of me and is facing all these challenges and it makes me think "that could be me".

After my blood test this morning I had to run a few errands, Tony got a flat tyre on our car last night so I had to go to the tyre place and get that all sorted out. Then I was going shopping for some new shoes to wear to work, I haven't bought work shoes in ages and I can't wear my current ones another day. I'm on my feet all day and by the end of the day my feet are killing me. That kept me busy and occupied for most of the morning.

I'd just started planning a few lessons for the rest of this week when my nurse called me. My HCG had risen from 660 to 2994! What a relief. I'd decided I'd be happy if they were over 1700 but to see that they're nearly at 3000 is wonderful.

My progesterone is sky high and over 500, my nurse said they're happy to see it around 70 so for it to be this high is great. And it means I can start weaning off the progesterone pessaries. Now it's just one pessary every third night. Hopefully that'll calm down some of the cramps I've been having.

I have another beta next Wednesday just to make sure everything is still on track. Then on the 31st is my 7 week scan with my FS, I'll be exactly 7 weeks.

Beta results

I did do a hpt and test early, at 6dp4dt I got a super faint positive. So faint that I wasn't sure the line was there. But the next morning, it was darker.

My first beta wasn't scheduled until 10 days past transfer, but I got offered week long contract so I went in for my beta at 9 days past. And my hcg was a perfect 220!

Because I'd be working at the same school as my sister in law, Tony told his family that we'd had a positive result but it was still very early days. I rang my mum and told her the same thing, but made sure to tell her that she can't tell anyone else just yet. I also let my brother and his girlfriend know.

Last week was crazy busy with work. I was under a huge amount of pressure, this is a class I've worked with quite a lot so I do know the kids. But their teacher had been off for nearly two weeks and they'd had other relief teachers in that time (it was during the time I was having my egg pick up and transfer which is why I couldn't take the class). It was a rough start and it took me a few days to get them settled.

My repeat beta was due to be done this Monday, but my contract was extended until Tuesday and this school is so far away from my clinic I can't get in there before work. And I also don't have any mobile phone coverage out at work, so I got Tony to call the clinic and see if I could go in a few days early for my repeat beta.

Yesterday (Saturday) I got up and went in. I hadn't met this nurse before, but she was lovely. She did the blood work, handed me the "congratulations, you're pregnant!" letter with my due date (17th November!) and the goodie bag with information, booklets, pens, sample packs of prenatals and morning sickness relief vitamins.

Around lunch time we were on the way a family barbecue when my phone rang with the results of the
my repeat beta. My numbers had only risen to 660, which means they're doubling every 76 hours. They're not doubling as fast as they should be.

I don't know what this means for us. I know that my clinic likes to see the numbers double every 48 hours and they start to be concerned when it's takes more than 60 hours. Google has told me good stories about it taking even 72 hours for hcg numbers to double.

After the phone call the nurse sent me a text message, she'd been in contact with my FS and he wants me to rest and do another beta on Wednesday.

It's a roller coaster. Every time I think we're at a point where we can relax or that something has finally gone our way something like this happens. Mondays beta was great and my progesterone levels were that high that they started to wean me down, I went from Crinone twice a day to once a day.  And then this happens.

It's just a waiting game again. I thought we were past all of that.

Transfer and embryo update

Transfer day was on Friday. We had one great quality compacting morula transfered. (Dr S called it a star performer).

When we got to the fertility clinic the embryologist came in and talked to us about the quality of the embryo they were transfering and gave us a picture of it. She also talked about the two that they were still watching. One was at 10 cells and growing slowly, the other was ahead and a cavitating morula but was poor quality. She was lovely and explained that they'd continue to grow and monitor the last two embryos and give me a call on Sunday to let us know if they'd been able to freeze either of them.

Transfer was so much easier than the two previous IUIs. I found the IUIs incredibly painful, getting the catheter through my cervix was not easy either time and took multiple attempts. Because I struggled with the IUIs and my Dr had noted on my chart that I could have a valium before hand. As soon as the nurse offered it to me I said yes. Actually, I think Tony said yes before I did, but he'd had to listen to me babble and talk non stop about my anxieties since the day before.

I'm not sure if it was the valium or if it was the different exam table and the higher footrests that made a difference. But the transfer was painless. There was also a clock above my head and I just watched the second hand the whole time.

We got the all clear from the embryologist that the pipette was empty and the embryo had been transferred, waited for 5 minutes then I got up and got dressed. On the way out I got the receipt to take in to medicare and our health insurance and picked up another box of crinone. I'd been on it once a day since egg pick up but was now to do it twice a day.

And that was it. Pretty easy, no where near as bad as I'd been expecting. Afterwards we went out to lunch and then Tony worked from home while I napped and watched tv.

But today was Sunday and I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. I was waiting from the call from the clinic to let me know how the other two embryos were going. Around 11.30am my phone rang and I knew from the tone in the embryologists voice it wasn't good news. She had been so upbeat and positive on Friday it was contagious, but today she was quiet and serious.

The 10 cell embryo hadn't developed any further. The poor quality one had made it to blastocyst but it had no inner mass cells. Those are the cells which will turn into a fetus and then a baby, without inner mass cells if it did implant, it wouldn't progress and would wind up in a miscarriage.

I had kind of been expecting we wouldn't have any to freeze but I was still gutted. I got off the phone and broke the news to Tony. I was fine until I sat back down on the couch a few minutes later and then it hit me. I had a little bit of a teary moment and then pulled myself together.

Now it's just a waiting game. I go in for my beta on the 11th and I'm staying busy and positive until then.

And then there were three...

Today is day three and we're down to three. One embryo didn't progress to the next stage. The other three have, but one of the three is growing slowly. It's a bit of a change from day two where two were spot on target and two were fast growing and already at 7 cells. I'm not sure which ones have survived and which one stopped growing or is growing slowly.

I'm just feeling a bit distant, I'm not upset that we lost one and will probably lose a second one. My clinic has said from the start that not all eggs are mature. Not all mature eggs will fertilise. Not all fertilized eggs will grow into embryos. Not all embryos will make to transfer and not all transfered embryos will end up as a live birth.

I am staying busy and keeping myself distracted. My house needs a good clean (I let the housework slip when the orgalutran was making me feel nauseated. I just couldn't face cleaning the bathroom while feeling so awful) On the weekend I bought a simple but time consuming cross stitch kit and I've got a few others that need to be finished. And I've got plenty of tv shows and movies to watch.

Tomorrow we've got to be at the fertility clinic by 10.30am for an 11am transfer. Then a new kind of waiting begins.

Egg retrieval and fertilization report

My egg retrieval was yesterday. I was quite anxious and spent the time in the waiting area watching the clock, my surgery was scheduled for 8am and by 7.45am there were two of us waiting for Dr S to arrive and do our egg pick ups.

I walked into the operating theater by 8.05am and the drip was started shortly afterwards. And it hurt! Holy cow was that painful, I've never had a drip hurt so much. I haven't bruised from it but it felt like the anesthesiologist was scraping the cannula against bones in my hand.

I woke up in recovery and was in a bit of pain and felt ill. I was given some medication via the drip to take care of the pain and nausea. A while later I started to wake up properly and I just remember looking at my left hand for the magic number of how many eggs they'd collected. But my left hand had the drip in it and I was confused. The recovery nurse showed me my right hand and it said five. Five.

My heart sank. How did we go from having 12+ follicles to only 5 eggs. My Dr came around and explained that there was 15 follicles and he'd flushed each follicle multiple times to make sure they hadn't missed any eggs and that was why I was in so much pain. He said it didn't happen to often but occasionally the eggs just don't release from the follicles and that's why the count was so low.

After he left, I got dressed and went into the recovery lounge area to have something to eat. The nurses had already called my husband and he was on his way. They asked me if I'd like the fertility nurse to come down now, or wait until Tony got to the hospital. I said I'd rather wait. I knew it'd be longer to hear from the nurse, but I just couldn't hear that news again on my own.

Tony arrived a few minutes later. He sat and talked to me while my drip was removed and we waited for the fertility nurse. We chatted about which nurse would turn up to talk to us, luckily it was our nurse. She seemed disappointed at the number of eggs too, so I didn't feel so bad about being upset at only 5. (I know a lot of women go through a cycle with 5 or less, it was just the shock of thinking we'd be getting a lot more than that, closer to 9 or 10).

My nurse brought me box of Crinone and the after care instructions. She explained that I'd get a phone call from the embryologist the next day, probably around lunch time. She told me to think quality not quantity and to go home and rest.

I tried to nap when I got home but couldn't. I was thirsty, bloated and in pain. It really felt like my stomach was bruised and that the bruises would start to appear any minute. (But they haven't) I just took it easy for the rest of the night.

This morning I'd gotten up to use the bathroom and refill my water bottle. I was just going back to sleep when the phone rang at 9am. It was the embryologist.

Out of the five eggs, four were suitable for micro injection (icsi) and of those four, all four had fertilized. She said they still weren't sure if we'd do a three or five day transfer, and that she'd have more information for me tomorrow.

Through this whole process my fear was that we'd only get four eggs. I dreamt about the number four before my first follicle scan and was convinced that there'd be only four follicles. Then after the first scan, I dreamt that there was only four eggs.

We were so hoping that we'd have a few more eggs so that there would be embryos to freeze.

I'm hoping tomorrows phone call brings good news, but I'm prepared in case it doesn't. At this point in the game all you can do is wait and see. I don't want to be excited and hopeful, just in case things don't go as planned, but at the same time I don't want to be negative and fall into that negative funk.

It's out of our control at this time, what happens will happen.

Egg pick up is booked!

My egg pick up is booked for Monday morning. My numbers hit 2226 today and they're expected to rise a little bit more over the weekend. I do my last stims tomorrow morning at 7.30am and then trigger shot at 7pm.

On Wednesday we paid the last installment to the fertility clinic. This morning I rang and paid the anesthetic gap fee for Monday. Then on Monday all that is left to pay is the operating theatre fee.

Monday morning I have to be at the day surgery unit at 7.15am, with surgery scheduled for 8am. It's should take 3-4 hours before I'm out and in recovery. We only live a 15 min drive from the fertility clinic and hospital, so our nurse has said that my husband should drop me off go home for a few hours and collect his sample and drop it off to the clinic when he comes back to pick me up.

I'm a bit nervous, I'm scared that there's not going to be many mature eggs. Or that they don't fertilize. Or that they don't make it to transfer. MFI is an issue for us and we are doing ICSI but it's the unknown and the waiting that gets to me. I'm not scared of the anesthetic or the procedure at all.

We've kept this cycle pretty much a secret and haven't told many people, just two of my close friends and my parents. With the IUI's all our friends and family knew what was going on. But this time around I didn't want everyone to get their hopes up and be excited only to have to break bad news to them, or explain that the cycle is taking longer than we thought it would.

I'm staying positive but I'm also aware that things can change at every step on this journey. I'm just taking things one day at a time and for now, that's doing the last shots tomorrow! And focusing on having a quiet weekend with my husband.

Follie scan #2

Yesterdays scan and blood work was good. Follicle count is still around 12, Dr S said that there may be one or two hiding he can't see on the scan. And there's a few odd shaped follicles that he said he wasn't counting as they more than likely wouldn't contain eggs.

Size wise, they're all averaging around 15.5mm, with the lead follicle at 17mm. Growing slowly but steadily and pretty much spot on with the 2mm of growth a day. A bit smaller than they were expecting for day 10 of stims but they've been growing steadily and my estradiol levels have been rising steadily so both my doctor and nurse are happy with how its all going. They started at 323 last Friday, were at 625 on Monday and yesterday they'd reached 1197.

I do have to go back again tomorrow (Friday) for blood work again, just to make sure everything is still rising the way it should, they don't want to see my numbers sky rockettoo high or plateau. But I won't need a scan, so no waiting around to see Dr S. Tomorrows monitoring appointment should be nice and quick, just in for a blood test and back home again.

I haven't worked this week, I did miss a call from the teaching agency the day. But it was a day I had to have a scan and I wouldn't have gotten to the school on time. And I probably won't feel up to working until the end of next week. Anesthetic always makes me feel so worn out and shaky for days afterwards.

My original date for egg pick up was to be tomorrow but the way things are going it'll more than likely be Monday. If it is Monday, then tomorrow afternoon when my nurse calls she'll have all the details for checking into the day surgery unit. She'll also tell me the time to do my trigger shot as it'll be done 37 hours before my egg collection. And I'll have to fast for 6 hours.

I think fasting is the worst part of it. I get cranky if I'm hungry and when I'm dehydrated I feel even worse. We've had really hot and humid weather here all week so I've been drinking tonnes of water, it's been around 31ºC the last few days so I'm crossing my fingers that the night before my egg pick up won't be too hot and there's not too much trouble having the IV started the next day.

The shots haven't been too bad, and so far every blood draw has been ok. Gonal F doesn't bother me at all, but can't wait to do the last orgalutran. The last two days the nasuea from it hasn't been too bad. But the first few days were shocking. Just a few days of stims left to go!

12 is a lucky number!

I was so anxious heading into yesterdays scan, I didn't sleep well the night before and I dreamt that Dr S could only see four tiny follicles. As he was doing the scan, he said "it all looks good" I didn't quite believe him. I was still thinking about Fridays phone call "low range of normal".

After the scan, I went and had blood work done. I saw my nurse for the first time this cycle! I really like my nurse, at the start I found her a bit hard to get along with but as time has gone on we've built a relationship and she has been wonderful. She assisted with my first IUI and was the one to call me with both of the negative betas.

Dr S had come over to his office in between egg pick ups so I didn't really have time to ask him any questions. But when my nurse opened my file and read over the notes from my scan and she was so excited for my husband and I. She said it looks great and that she could book me in for egg pick up on Monday.

She showed me my file and said that Dr S had seen 12 follicles! 9 on my right ovary and 3 on the left. All measuring between 10mm and 12mm. And the large cyst that was on my left ovary has shrunk down nicely and is now much smaller. I was anxious that it'd taken a few extra days to get to this point, but my nurse explained that with PCO slow and steady is the best way to avoid OHSS.

I really need to just trust my doctor and remember that there is no normal protocol, it's different for every woman at my clinic.

I also asked my nurse about the nausea I've been getting. It only starts about 2-3 hours after the Orgalutran (ganirelix) shot and then lasts for most of the day. She confirmed what I thought and said that would definitely be the Orgalutran. It's an uncommon side effect, but unfortunately a few woman do suffer from it. Small frequent meals, load up on the protein, snack on raw almonds and if I do suffer from vomiting or it's a particularly hot day make sure to have a bottle or two of gatorade or powerade on top of the 2-3 litres of water a day. And if I find that I'm not able to eat I need to be having 2-3 glasses of low gi Sustagen to keep up the protein and nutrients.

I haven't eaten a full meal since I started the orgalutran five days ago. I'm either not hungry at all, or after a few bites I feel ill and think I'll be sick if I eat any more. Or I'm feeling that nauseated that I can't even think about eating. Nausea and vomiting are my biggest fears, I really hate feeling this way.

On the plus side, I haven't had any hormonal mood swings or crying fits. I'm just starting to have a few twinges around my ovaries today but it's just a twinge or two. It's not cramping and I'm not bloated at all or in any sort of pain.

I have monitoring again tomorrow morning, a scan during my doctors regular office hours so I'll be able to ask him any questions (but I think my nurse answered all the ones I had) and another blood test just to make sure everything is still on track.

Wait and see

On Friday I did my first ever Orgalutran (ganirelix) shot. It gave me a bit of anxiety and I hesitated for a while. My Gonal F comes in a little pen type syringe, it doesn't look anything a traditional syringe. But the Orgalutran was in a single use glass syringe with a longer thicker needle.

It didn't hurt but it did feel different, the needle itself wasn't as sharp as the Gonal F ones and it took a lot more force to push it into my stomach. And I must've hit a blood vessel because I have a shocking bruise from it too.

I also had my first monitoring blood test on Friday, and of course, it was nasty nurse who was taking blood that day. She's the one who kept saying "when this IUI fails" at our last IUI and also is the same one who gave me the progesterone that was out of date. Ugh.

She was pretty nice to me on Friday morning, she was really positive and upbeat. But then she rang with the results of my monitoring bloods. My estrogen levels were only at 323, within the normal range for day 5 stims, but on the low end of normal. Sigh. This is how the IUIs went and this is how we started the "will it be cancelled or will it go ahead" game.

She did tell me that this could be a longer cycle or it may even wind up being cancelled but she wasn't curt or cold in the way she said it. Then she went on to say that she expects my numbers to have jumped up over the weekend and be in the mid range by Monday. A much more positive attitude! She also said that if my numbers have risen nicely then egg pick up could be sooner than Friday. 

I'm booked in for a monitoring scan and blood work Monday morning, so tomorrow we'll get up early and head down to the clinic. Because the scan is so early my husband can come in with me before work. I'm starting to feel a few side effects (hello headache from the Gonal F and today I've been battling with nausea which has to be from the Orgalutran) and I don't really feel up to facing peak hour traffic feeling under the weather.

I'm half prepared for this cycle to be cancelled if my estrogen levels have stalled or dropped. But I'm really staying positive that the news is good news! And that my doctor sees the perfect number of good sized follicles and that my blood work is right on target.

The start? Or do we have to wait?

Oh my gosh. I need to remember that nothing goes as planned with infertility and treatment plans. Yesterday, I was getting dressed and I had a sudden though of "what if there's a cyst on my ovary and this cycle gets cancelled?" My husband was still at his mates house so I sent him a text asking if he'd be able to go into work a little late on Monday and come in to the monitoring blood work and scan with me. As much as I can't stand the company he works for, they are flexible if he needs to take an hour or two off with short notice and I'm so thankful for that.

We got up super early this morning, I made my husband a cup of coffee and let him slowly wake up while I kept myself busy getting ready. Monday mornings are usually crazy busy at my clinic so we got there just as they opened at 7.30am. I didn't have to wait too long to get taken back for the blood work, the nurse I saw was the same one I'd spoken to on Saturday. She's new to the clinic but is lovely. They really needed another nice, friendly nurse.

I also picked up my planner and Gonal F and Orgalutran. And paid the deposit. And got a copy of the new prices for this year, they haven't changed too much. A few things have gone up a little but not a huge amount.

Then we went and waited to see our FS. On Saturday I was told that my FS wasn't in his rooms this week, so I was expecting to see his practice partner or one of the other FSs that work with our clinic. But when I saw the nurse she said that Dr S had been called in today and he'd be doing my scan in between egg pick ups.

Dr S came in about an hour later and did my scan, unfortunately my left ovary has developed another large cyst. I had a gut instinct that this had happened. Dr S warned us that the cycle may be cancelled. He wasn't ready to cancel it just yet, he wanted to wait for the blood work to come back first. He gave me a script for the pill and explained that if the cyst was producing hormones or my hormone levels weren't perfect, I'll go on the pill for 28 days and then we'll start again with another baseline check.

We walked out of the clinic and I made it as far as the hospital carpark before I burst into tears. Poor husband, it seems that every time he comes to an appointment with me I wind up walking out in tears. But I was so glad he was there to give me a hug. By the time we'd driven to my husbands office I'd had my little meltdown and had stopped crying.

I got home a short time later, I was upset at myself for not staying positive and thinking the worst. So I went into my work bag and got out my whiteboard markers and wrote "Stay positive!" on my bathroom mirror. I also wrote up an AA Milne quote that I love. I know it's silly, but I need a reminder and I'm willing to try just about anything!

Then I had a snack, then went and took a nap.  It was the most wonderful nap. I don't know if it was because I was just so tired and disappointed, or because I'd gotten a new pillow, or that the morning sun had warmed up my side of the bed and it was just so cosy, but I slept really well for two hours.

Just as the waiting was really starting to get to me this afternoon, the nurse called me. She'd spoken to my FS and the blood work was perfect! I was to do my first gonal f shot this afternoon and then starting tomorrow do it in the morning.

On Friday I add in the Orgalutran and go for another blood test and then they take it day by day from then.

Here we go!

CD1 - first IVF+ICSI cycle

Finally! After a 36 day cycle I woke up early this morning to some cramping and sure enough, when I got up it was CD1. I had a busy morning and didn't get to call the clinic after I got back home from dropping the husband at a friends house in the Hinterland, about a 30 min drive away.

The receptionist said to keep my day clear as I might have to come in to pick up my medication but the nurse would call me back to confirm. (It's Saturday and they're not open on Sundays). I'd made plans to go out to lunch with friends so instead of catching a lift with them, I drove my car at met them at the restaurant. I'd just ordered lunch when the nurse called me back.

It was a nurse I haven't spoken to before. Nurse R, but she said she'd reviewed my file and the protocol my FS had ordered and that I didn't have to come in to pick anything up today, it was fine to wait until CD3. She's booked me in for my baseline blood work and scan nice and early Monday morning. I'll pick up my medication then, do my first shot as soon as the blood work is back and everything checks out. And of course, pay the deposit of $2500 when I pick up my meds.

I'm glad that the friends I was with are ones that already know that my husband and I are going through fertility treatments. It made things a bit easier. They asked a few questions once I got back from taking the phone call. I don't mind answering questions, infertility and fertility treatments are a foreign concept to healthy fertile people and with close friends I'm quite happy to answer any question. Even the more tmi or personal questions, like "so how does a SA work? They retrieve the eggs how? They do an internal scan on CD2 or CD3?!?"

But I did get my first "Why don't you just adopt? My cousins-stepsisters-best friend did IVF and it didn't work so they adopted" comment. Sigh. I know it wasn't said with malice, but it did make me want to roll my eyes. I've also had the "Would you consider using a surrogate?" question from another well meaning friend. I know they mean well, but we're not at that stage yet! Those options haven't even crossed our mind. We're still so far away from taking that journey, especially when we haven't even done one IVF cycle.

I'm going to stay positive this time around. Staying positive and thinking positive!

One of those days

Today is one of those days where I'm struggling. I've been having a bit of a rough time lately, I'm just feeling isolated. I'm also sick of people asking if we're excited to start ivf, even them just asking WHEN we're starting ivf makes me want to cry.

To be honest, I'm not excited to start ivf. It's an emotionally and physically taxing journey. It's costing thousands of dollars, I don't know how my body will respond to the extra hormones, I have to have surgery and go under a general anesthetic for the egg pick up, and even after all of that there is no guarantee that we'll have an embryo to transfer. And then if we do make it to transfer, there's no guarantee that the embryo will implant and I'll be pregnant.

It's been school holidays so I've had no work. I'm a supply teacher (sub) when I finished my B.Ed the only permanent jobs were out west where there was no jobs for my husband so I started doing supply work and loved it! And I've kept doing supply work. These holidays were meant to be our first ivf cycle but the timing was just wrong. And then my laptop broke and needed to go in for repairs. No work, no laptop (so no tv because we watch tv on our computers and my husbands computer is big, scary and way to technical for me to use easily) and no ivf cycle. It's been rough, I've had far to much free time on my hands to think and obsess over ivf.

And today is even worse. It's the start of a new school year here in Australia, (my work won't pick up for another week or two) and my facebook feed is flooded with photos of kids in their new school uniforms. Lots of my facebook friends have kids starting school this year, one friend even has a daughter starting high school.

It's just another reminder of something I haven't got. Instead, I'm heading off to get a check up at the dentist, crossing off one of the last things on my list of "things to do before ivf" I've transferred the money for our first ivf payment into our savings account so we can access it at any time, I've had my pap smear and checked in with my GP updating her on what's going on, and today is my dental check up. Now I just need my period to arrive. Any time soon would be nice, today is CD26 and if I had another textbook 28 day cycle this would be awesome! But I've got a gut feeling that it's still going to be another few weeks.